Secrets of Corporate Business Revealed: How to handle clients?

After gaining enough experience in this industry (Boy 25 months are more than enough), I don’t fear penning down my 9 commandments which I religiously follow everyday I enter my office.Clients are like GOD in our sweet industry. No wonder, people have gone to the extreme of keeping clients photograph on there desktop, worshipping them before starting day’s activity and things like that. They play a very important role and your future (& your appraisal, salary, perks, etc.) depends on how much business they give it to you.

Then how to deal with them Z000n, I hear you ask.

Just follow 9 simple commandments given below, you will be running up the ladders (Might even land into your clients office if you’re fast climber)

• Thou shall always respect your client and treat him as GOD. International clients are never visible when you deal with them. You only hear there voice (and shouts) on your phone. GOD is also not visible, but you know HE is somewhere around.
• Thou shall never get “emotionally” attached to your client while working for him. I remember while dealing with an UK client, he introduced me to his family, his grand mom his dog, his parrot, I ended up being a tourist guide to his in-laws visiting India.
• Thou shall never let your clients know about their nicknames. I used to call one of my client “Tharki Baniya” he came to know about his name... and then he was never a client any more.
• Thou shall use your clients snap as wallpaper. This will act as a booster to work hard or get screwed from “human species” seen on that wallpaper.
• Thou shall accept whatever your client says about yourself. You are dumb; if this is what your client says, accept it. Client knows better than what you really think of you
• Thou shall never sleep with anyone from the client’s side. Never do this I did it more than once during my early days you talk with them U dream about how they look you end up sleeping with them Cause its America and Legal. You’ll get screwed up from four sides at a time – office, client, home, girl friend.
• Thou shall treat your client with equal respect even when not involved in face-to-face communication. Old associate informs me" Ashraf when we used to have telephonic conference call with our Japanese client, we used to BOW (Japanese ishtyle) in front of the telephone as soon as we hear the voice from other side". This is called giving “equal respect”. Hindi-Japani bhai-bhai!!
• Thou shall always keep on bouncing Q’s related to project at hand, to make them believe that for 24hrs only WORK is on your mind. It doesn’t matter if you play Age of Empire game or doing exactly what I am doing now when you’re actually suppose to work.
• Thou shall never cry in front of client for salary raise. Stop acting like a cheapo at least in front of your client. I’ve seen people actually doing this. Sir I work in grave yard shift and they pay me pea nuts ... 7 mouths to feed...mothers eye operation... to bail out my father from jail.. etc...etc.