My First trip -------------------------

Dear Jammu & Avis Bhaia,

Dear brother, greetings to respectful parents. I am hoping all is well with health and wealth. I am fine at my end. Hoping your end is fine too. With Allah Mian's grace and parents' dua’s I am arriving safely in UK and finding my way to the Guest house. Had some difficulty because the driver was holding Mr Hussain instead of Ashraf or Imran. Kindly assure mother that I am strictly consuming vegetarian food only in restaurants though I do not know if cooks are muslims. I hope parents' duas are residing with me. Brother, I am having so many things to tell you that I am not knowing where to start.

Most surprising thing about Britain is it is full of British. Everywhere Britishers, Britishers, big and white, it is little frightening. The flight from Bombay to London is arriving safely thanks to Allah Mian's grace and Parents' duas and mine too. I am not able to go to bathroom whole time because I am sitting in corner seat as per revered grandmother's wish. One more desi bhai is rightly scolding that airplane is flying too high to have good view.

But, brother, in next two seats are sitting two old gentle ladies and if I am getting up then they are put in lot of botheration so I am not getting up for except when plane is in middle of sky no one can take my seat then because people are counted.

Many foods are being served in carts but I am only eating cashew nuts and bread because I am not knowing what is food and what is pig meat. I am having a good time drinking 37 glasses of Coca-Cola. They are rolling down a screen and showing a film but I am not listening because air hostess ladies are selling head phones for 1 Pounds which is Rs.60 and in our beloved Talab Tillu town we can sit in balcony seats in Regal Talkies for only Rs.3. I am asking lady if they are giving student discount but she is too busy. I am also asking her for more Coca-Cola but she is looking like she is weeping and walking away. I think perhaps she is not understanding proper English.

Then I am sleeping long time after India leaving, and plane over clouds and when I am waking it is like we are flying over sea of lights. Everywhere, brother, as far as I am seeing there are lights lights. It is like God has made carpet of lights. Then we are landing in London and plane is going right upto door so that we are not having to walk in cold. I must say British are very advanced. And as I am leaving aeroplane, air hostess is giving me one more can of Coca-Cola. Her two friends are also with her, but why they are laughing so much I do not know. I think these Britishers are strange but good people in their hearts. I hope she was not laughing for racial. Perhaps she was feeling shy earlier even I was feeling shy earlier.

Then I am going to long bathroom. As I am leaving I am making first friend in Britain. This is Negro gentleman named Joe who is standing at door and as I am opening it he is holding out hand so I am shaking it and telling him my name and he is tellng me his. I am telling him if he is ever coming to Talaab Tillu Zilla Baramullah he can ask for Uglele layout behind Dhobhi ghat. If I have not returned from London please tell Baba that if negro gentleman named Joe is visiting Talab tillu he may kindly do needful. Don’t worry you can find him, he is blacker than Kali baba when he come to our place he will be blackest in Talab tillu.

In this way I feel each and every one of us is serving as Ambassador of our beloved Motherland. Joe is doubtful I feel because he says "Far out, man, far out", but I am reassuring him that India is only 9 hours away by plane and that is not very far. I think he is accepting this because he is not saying anything any more.

Next I go to place marked " Baggage" as Arpita behenji has advised and suddenly place I am sitting starts to move throwing me. It is like python we once saw in forest, only rattling and with luggage bouncing on its back and sometimes leaping to attack passengers. I am also throwing myself on bag before it is escaping. I think if I am not wrestling it down it would revert to plane and back home to India. I am only joking of course.

Before this I am meeting very friendly gentleman at Immigration desk. I do not know why all relatives had warned against this man, bacause he is so friendly. He is talking English strangely but is having kind heart because he is asking me about nuts and I am saying that I am liking very much and eating many on plane. "Totally, totally nutss," he is saying, which I feel British expression for someone fond of cashewnuts. Before this he is showing friendliness by asking "How is it going?" I am telling his fully and frankly about all problems and hopes, even though you may feel that as britisher he may be too selfish to bother about decline in price of hair oil in Talab Tillu town. But, brother, he is listening very quietely with eyes on me for ten minutes and then we are having friendly talk about nuts and he is wanting me to go.

At Customs, brother, I am getting big shock. One fat man is grunting at me and looking cleverly from small eyes. "First visit?" he is asking, "Local here, born and growing in london" I am saying (don’t want him to cheat me if he is a rickshaw driver.) "Move on," he is saying making chalk marks on bags. As I am picking up bags he is looking directly at me and saying "Watch your ass." Now, brother, this is wonderful. How he is knowing we are dhobi by profession in Talab tillu? I think they are knowing everything about everybody who is coming to British mainly of all muslims. They are not allowing anybody without knowing his family and financial status and other things. And we are only buying donkey two days before my departure. I think they are keeping all information in computers. Really these Britishers are too advanced they already got my photo!!!. But, brother, now I am worrying. Supposing this is US army keeping watch or else how they can know about our country all of them are very white or very black so you cant seperate britishers and amricans?

Anyway please do not tell Mother and Father or they are worrying, but lock all doors and windows. If CIA wants to recruit me to be spy in talab tillu, I will gladly take poison before betraying our Motherland and muslim mohallah. Then I am going out and cousins are waiting and receiving me warmly. I will write soon after taking bath.
Your brother,
Immu