Wednesday, May 14, 2008

MANupulative woEman

There are many areas in which being men we have long enjoyed a tactical advantage over women, thanks to the fact that through a combination of genetics, evolution, instinct and plain old good fortune, we are pigs… ever procrastinating pigs!!! And washing clothes doing laundry is one of the key areas.

My favorite jeans… I have not washed it for 3 months now and my maidservant wont wash it because she says it will clog the drainage. Call it my fault or uniqueness of my persona being man who stayed in engineering hostel for good 4 years and more it’s imbibed in my super pleasing personality.

A man can live happily in a confined space with a mass of unwashed garments so funky that his shirts wrap their sleeves around his ankles as he walks past, hoping he will drag them to a bathroom for wash; and his undies, which have developed primitive bacterial feet, crawl around and arrange themselves on the floor to form the words FOR GOD'S SAKE WASH US. Statistics says, every year, thousands of innocent pedestrians collapse while walking past male-occupied hostel, overcome by sock fumes. That’s the male aura or aroma what ever you want to say.

So in most relationships, women wind up doing the laundry when we guys get married or think better and get into live-in relationships. To compensate, we men assume full responsibility for more masculine, but equally necessary, household tasks, such as making sure that the TV channel is changed regularly and fridge is never out of codeine or beers.

Unfortunately, the traditional division of labor is now threatened by a new manipulative breed of women. I identified them from an online woman forum, one of the mean manipulative female reveals that she has developed a shocking tactic to get her husband to do laundry. A tactic that threatens to undermine the very fabric that underlies the foundation for the infrastructure of our way of life, as we know it.

She uses S-E-X.

''I tell him it gets me hot,'' she writes. ``Every time I need laundry done, I put my arms around him and tell him how excited I get just watching him. I tell him if he folds it and puts it away, I am beside myself. I make love to him right by the washing machine. I have found that he folds laundry better than I do.''

Men, we must ask ourselves: What if other women start using their wiles this way? What if the Indian woman as we know start adopting it? Are we, as a gender, so easily manipulated, so mindlessly lust-crazed?

We most certainly are. A man will do pretty much any idiot thing if he thinks it gets him noticed by the dame. I am not proud of this, but once, in my younger days, I jumped from my balcony into the guava tree risking serious injury or death, because I truly believed that a specific woman standing on the road eyeing the fruits would be impressed and therefore want to bear my children.

Q. Did it work?
A. Of course not. No sane woman is going to knowingly perpetuate balcony- jumping genes.

Q. Would you have done her laundry?
A. I would have eaten her washing soap with Surf powder if required.

But it need to stop or else we would wind up like some of the more pathetic males in the animal kingdom, such as the male praying mantis, who allows the female praying mantis, during the mating act, to bite off his head.

Is that what we want, men? Are we willing to trade our independence -- and, yes, our dignity -- for a few minutes (let's be honest, men) of cheap physical gratification? Are we that weak, that pathetic, that STUPID?

Let's remember to soak the clothes at least an hour before we wash it boys

Saturday, May 3, 2008

Taste Buds Don't Lie

My mother,father,Granparents were all meat eaters, infact first edition of my parent my elder brother he is a by the fault of Genes,I too became a non veg.And my mother tells me, that when she was pregnant with me, she had the urge to eat brian fry.So its not my fault again that i am a brain eater as well... not a licker but an eater... it reach to such a limit that when I was a teenager I used to eat vegetables only because I hate plants...So my whole family and ancestors and their flesh eating genes conspired to make me a Non Veg,and put me at loggerheads with this girl who is a veggie. She got her own reasons not to touch flesh, she thinks if she eat green it will help her shed few quintals from her bottom end. That thought has not turned into reality yet maybe because she doesn’t mind loads of ice cream and cheese in her food. Wish I have the courage to tell her look at the elephant it’s a veggie too but I guess beside being true it might be rude. Anyways its her life and bottom... so be it. By the way as a cook she is a walking disaster...

Unlike other people I cant say my mother is a great a cook... only thing I can say is she can cook PERIOD. For last three years I am living only on Maggi and Kebab Magic and given a choice between my mother cooked food and Maggi and Kebab Magic food for reminder of my life I will chose the last two without a hitch. Its not like I got a great tastebuds... not at all... I can eat anything irrespective of how bad its cooked and if its really smelly and decomposed I just leave it without saying yucks. But there are some wow people who walked through my life lane and who were also great cooks!!!

Its something like an awesome woman you met turns out to be an equally wow in something else as well. Yeah those doublebarreled people whose Carishma just keeps on growing on you as time pass by. I have an eldest aunt from my fathers side... awesome aunt...wife...mother...mother in law...grand mother in whole an awesome woman and yes an awesome cook. I got a cousin sister-in law as well she makes great cold mutton salad!!! Infact what ever she makes you can feel she loves cooking and same kind of taste and delicacy she puts in all the other aspect of life making her a wow person as a whole. Then there is D... I just tasted her food once... some chicken it was even the bones were eaten up. I was not hungry... food was delicious.

What I am trying to say here my friends is a novel way of finding someone worth while in your life. So next time you meet a real cool girl with whom you want to spend rest of your life do a litmus paper test. Instead of meeting her over lunch or dinner ask her cook something when you meet and then ask your tastebuds to decide.

Have you heard the new Shakira song “Taste Buds Don’t lie!!!” Bon Appetite...