Rat Killer

“Kambakht!!!!”
I had almost drifted off to sleep when I heard the scream of my Badi ammi (big mother in Hindi; Aunt in English).

“Now what?” I asked myself and went rushing to see what has come over her.
I was shocked to see the state she was in. She was holding her 400 pound Suitcase in primate attacking way.
“I smell a rat somewhere!” My cousin her son said.
It was true! A rat has dug his way into her bag where she carried her whole kitchen when she came down a week back to stay with us!

“This is the last straw!” I said. The rat has been messing up our house almost daily.
This bloody rat brought up in the contaminated air of Blore was contaminating our lives.
Water has gone beyond our nose we decided unanimously to trap the rat and kill it.

We would have killed it right away had it not been for my cousin who objected and convinced us that it was plain cruelty be it a cat or a rat, and it should not be killed but should be trapped and set free in wild as if we are from Nat Geo working with Rare breed of some wild animals or let off downstairs where our elderly landlord resides with never ending chatter box called Mrs landlord.

Her majesty Padma Aunty (Queen maid of our house who derives more salary than me), the all-in-all, and our savior during these kinds of emergencies and lot many others, was called for. Her enthusiasm in catching rats was abnormal. She bought a trap the next day and placed it in one of the corners after sniffing the room. . As if she had smelt the route the rat had taken the day before, she confidently placed the trap in a particular angle.. This trap was a death trap in which if the rat got caught, it was instantaneous death for the rat.

“Got something left?” she asked
‘No, Padma we ate whatever my mom bought ” my cousin said.
“Not for me, ayyeo!!, I need something to place on the hook of the trap, so that the rat would come and eat it and get caught!” she stopped for want of breath. “Maybe a piece of masal vada! I cooked”, she asked.

There was none left Padma Aunty felt proud that we ate till the last scrap of her delicious Vada, however the truth is, its so very delicious that not us... not even the street dogs living in our lane had developed that good taste thus we always have to go 1 mile away and drop it in front of the dogs outside Talli Beer Bar.
Dogs there are always intoxicated and don't mind good food.

“We have chappathis left over. Shall I bring it?” I asked.
She was worried that she might get these chappathis for her lunch the next day!
‘Ok, whatever!” she said. Padma Aunty was impatient. She wanted her work done quickly so that she can go for her evening Maid meetings.

I lay awake waiting for the rat to come. There was some rattle-tattle and “phut!” I did not bother to look at the trap but went off to sleep.

To our disappointment, what we saw in the trap the next morning was not the rat but a squirrel, which had accidentally entered the room. It was dead.

Next day, my cousin was grumpy and yelled.
“How can you all kill an animal? ( As if it was a planned Genocide executed by me, Badi ammi and Padma Aunty) You should have bought the other model and the squirrel would not have died. Squirrel or a rat, a life is a life!!”

“Ok, ok, it wont happen again!” I assured him.
The next day, we got the other model and placed it with a masal vada on the hook. “Chappathis are not lucky, let’s tempt the rat with a vada!” Padma Aunty made vadas, and reserved one for the guest, hoping rats are fool enough to eat what we could never digest I was wondering if rat eat that vada it doesn't need to be trapped it will die due to food poisoning.
The first two days passed off with the rat creeping in quietly, and tactfully eating the masal vadas and escaping! Successfully the rat got caught on the third day. Probably the old masal vada had become too hard and it tried to pull it from the hook but its efforts failed and it fell into the trap! Our saviour Padma was again called, to take the trap and leave the rat somewhere far away.. She came and took the trap outside.
Eager to see what the rat was doing, we watched from the terrace as our Knight in Saree Padma Aunty majestically walked out with the trap towards the gate. The rat was squeaking and squealing from inside the trap. She was walking along so proudly with the trap as if it was some brave act she had done. As she approached the gate, unaware that we were watching, she slowed down, looked eitherways, sat down and opened the trap slowly. First she let it escape so that it could run a little. Then in a jiffy, she caught the rat by its tail, whirled it and thrashed it on the ground and killed it. Then she threw it on the roadside and walked off. It was a gruesome sight.

Next night, it was the same story! Rattle-tattle! Another rat on the move! Now we were discussing if we may have to get a cat to get rid of the rats before we start hearing “ouches” again!

No more complains better robin hood rat than making our dear old Padma Aunty a Serial killer.