Tuesday, June 24, 2008

You’ve Got Mail

I have immense future net worth. Mark my words! I have made all the right moves in a life well spent.

For example, the mail which told me that I’d be helping end major civil unrest in the Northern half of a certain province in South of South Western Botswana and that a certain Mr. Nigel Nihalson Norbert the Third would be personally present on the occasion when he’d write off his fortune of a few million dollars to my name. And all I needed to do was to keep this confidential and reply him back on his yahoo account as soon as possible.

I’ve sent the mail. It’s all about patience now! I always reply to these kinds of fortune mails, it makes me feel like a rock star!!!

Fantasy is good. I love them it makes life so fascinating, I have even called up some Mr. Trump in UK who chose me as a lucky winner of random lottery of whooping 6.8 Mil GBP!!!

On one of those rainy mornings, I was sitting and staring at the screen listlessly. Life was monotonous without the usual fare of Tsunamis and terrorist attacks that seem to happen all the time. I desperately needed a voice from the world beyond telling me what to do with my life.

It was my lucky day! The world beyond did answer with a mail popping up on the screen with hordes of puppies in cute, yet compromising, positions sprawled all over and the sender signing off profoundly, advising me to send it across to ten other people in order that I might end up meeting the love of my life by the weekend. It was a whole four days away but that was the best bet I had. He also remembered to warn me that the mail staying back in my inbox would ensure that I would fall sick or lose someone dear to me.

I didn’t need any more prodding. I had sent it across to ten different people within a couple of minutes. In fact, I went on to send it to more than 30 people just for good measure, and also because I wasn’t totally indisposed to the idea of having a choice of three true loves for my life.

I don’t like talking about that weekend! It had everything the other weekends have seen earlier me overdosed acting dead for more than 16 hours at a stretch coming back to life and mobility only on Monday. Maybe she did come… maybe all three of them came…

There is only one thing that I find extremely disturbing in the world of spam.

A lot many mails get very personal they attack right on my libido and how can I increase it to match it with Alfa lions or talk about me distressed with my small size and how can I expand it to a gargantuan size enough to give a multiple orgasm to a she elephant. I find that a tad breach of privacy and refrain from replying them back ever.

Life is tough - they say....You always get a raw deal - they say that too. And in such a world, every dear spam mail stands as a metaphor for dreams unfulfilled but deleted without a second thought by us. I question why one must return to the harsh reality of a world where civil wars are fought without any awards to unsuspecting foreigners half-way around the globe, where no matter how many mails you forward, your life remains the same old programmed routine and where the sizes of…. you get it alrite.

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