Falling again

Baby, I've been waiting,
I've been waiting Night and day
I didn't see the time,
I waited half my life away
There were lots of invitations
And I know you sent me some,
But I was waiting
For the miracle,
For the miracle to come

- L Cohen "Natural Born Killers"

Falling in love is a risky business (oh we are back on it). Actually it never goes away you ignore it or you just control yourself it just stays their in your life. You push it away hard and harder it hits you after completing the circle. For once let’s look from the optimistic point. The ecstasy is intoxicating and addictive to be precise. Your heart is in a place that seems the closest place to heaven on Earth. But the pain is worse than all the horrors of Hell. Distance, apathy, hate, rejection, and loss are among the conditions of love. It is a pain and sorrow that balances the pleasure and the pain of the basis of human emotion. Love is felt down to your very core. It is powerful enough to compel even the strongest man to weep because it is felt so immensely. Sometimes the wound of love can hurt so much that the subject of our love is not enough. Sometimes, you need an escape; an escape from the pain, the ache, the constant longing. Love is the very air we breathe, yet, it is toxic and painful with each heaving, labored breath. That is the irony that finally destroys us.

I fell in love. I fell in love in a very normal way like half of us do, but it was the most unique experience in my life like for everyone who falls like me. I always thought I will keep falling in love and I did quiet often in my life but I always brushed myself and got ready for the next fall. This one fall jeopardized it all.

First time in my 25years I don’t want to stand up.

It caught me by surprise, actually. She was a life-stopper with an expression asking you a very direct question “ how long you would stare at me with your sheepish look and act like a dumb ass in a trance?”; She was the initiator of the first magical moment in my life… magical moment you either have been through or dreamt. She was there wearing specs taking all the pains not to look at me again. She had her own very good reasons which I came to know later but ask me still if I meet her again…anywhere I will be doing the same thing which I did when I first saw her in white brown salwaar kameez and I am sure she will also be doing the same what she did then… ignore me. Hahahha

After an experience that confirmed my feelings for her, I knew that I never wanted to be in anyone in my arms but hers. She is a mixed breed a cross between magic and dream. Beside that she is mother of all anger. There were times when she was just herself (ANGRY $#@%#%) and I was very near to a brutal death. She was worth it all. Every fiber in me loved her. I loved her dressing sense, her milky white skin, her soft fingers, her teeth and ear rings, her laugh, her philosophies and hobbies, every flaw, every perfection, every minute. I fought harder to keep her by my side for whatever time I have in my life knowing very well it’s not supposed to be like that. She is different and I am sure she must have met thousands like me in her life, she got her hubby much better than I can ever be. I dream often if things were different she would be the one…one for everything in my life.

Things are better now and it’s around 3 years I know her. Wish I knew whether these 3 years can be converted into 30 years of acquaintance and friendship or not. Although she is not a dreamer like but we both will be working on drafting few rules to make sure we are in touch till death do us apart.

Its 2:00am I am sure she must be sleeping at present and I am also sure she would be looking damn beautiful even while sleeping.