Cupic Rejects – Part I: Mama’s Boy

Never in my thirty years of this mundane life had cupid gone beyond giving me a sarcastic smile. It remains a classic mystery of my youth why girls always chose to remain single than to mingle with me. From random to the ugliest lot they always maintained a 500 meters of emotional distance from me. No one gave me a good reason …till I got married. Very next day of my marriage my good wife decoded the ancient mystery by saying “You are a Mama’s boy”. Statement didn’t come as a reverse compliment which I expected it was more in lines with someone being told by his girl friend that he got a small tool.

Mama’s boy image has nothing to do with being immature, no sir I am much mature than all my inlaws rolled into one, its more about my life never peeking outside my mother’s petticoat…. Wrong example… it’s something like you are a frog and your mother is the well which you as a frog think is the universe and all god created.
I tried defining myself under that light and if you find an inch of yourself in the summary below either poison your mother or yourself before its too late… and if you have already missed the bus well get used to the pain.

Who we are: Definitely single males who have an unusually close relationship with our mother. Daddy is jerk sometime but Mommy is always right that’s what we feel. A normal, healthy relationship with our mom involves at least one phone call a week and atleast one coming from our Mom. Blame it on our Mom’s confidence in our ability to live our life because she is omnipresent in everything that happened or crossed our life at any stage. She has been way too involved in the minutia of your daily life, from school to friendships. This continues into our adulthood, and the result is an unflinching but unhealthy reliance on our mother’s judgement and inability to see through one’s own eyes. Best food we eat is cooked by Mom, the one who knows us best is our Mom. Good girls are similar to our Mom… most beautiful person on earth is again our Mom … our best friend is our Mom, our Mom knows all our secret, she is the one who will always stand for us… at least that’s what we think. Unfortunately I didn’t feel anyone of those, my mom at the most is an average cook and I will opt for self cooked Maggi anytime over anything she cooks. She doesn’t know me at all and still thinks I found my wife on shadi.com, she doesn’t know any of my secret she doesn’t even know I am a smoker. But then again I am a Mama’s boy because I qualify in the main trait… you see my decisions are not mine actually…

Identifying traits: We call our Mom in front of everyone… we call them when we are alone as well. Our friend knows stories from our childhood connecting us and our Moms. TONS of pictures of our family in our apartment, work, and car…maybe wallet as well; we will even go ahead and take call from our mother while on a date if we manage to have one; We have one favourite picture of her where we think she looks the beautiful…and lastly after she dies, we keep her corpse in the basement and talk to her.

Why we’re Single: If you ask a psychologist they will probably say: “It’s our relationship with our Mother that is keeping us from growing up or maturing properly. They share everything with their moms (even though in most the opposite is not true), and value this relationship above all else. Which is precisely what causes problems with other love-based relationships – no other person can possibly measure up or deliver this kind of intimacy. When you were a kid, did you want love from someone else? No – you just wanted your mommy. That’s basically what we’re dealing with here.” If you ask me now I will say we want to be like our mother… although we like girls but like our mother we never thought of growing fertile balls to gaze the female herd.

What we can do besides Poisoning: Though it’s nearly impossible to undo a two-way reliance that’s deeply embedded in a hardened psyche, Mama Boys must learn to wane off their mothers like a crack head putting down the pipe. The mother will resist…without much of a life of her own, she has a vested interest in feeding off ours. Setting boundaries maybe a good way to start. Don’t go into detail about your personal life especially your love life; better yet, don’t tell them anything about that. Keeping it superficial– her job was to bring you out to this world feed you till you can rinse your own ass and which she did quite well, so let her get on with her life and you get on with yours.

Epilogue: It’s been jolly one year of my marriage and I guess another year gone by and I will be writing about another kind of Rejects – “My WIFE My LIFE”