Wednesday, July 18, 2007

The Return journey - Part 3 Reaching destination

Gonna get myself to sleep in the next ½ hour. The getting at least 8 hours of sleep is the agenda now!!!

I am drinking bit too much of water 17th bottle...I know so stop drinking right? Well to tell you the truth now I’m addicted to ice cold water and the way it drips down the back of my throat. I feel like I’m drying out when I’m not drinking. It seems the more I drink the more dehydrated I feel, or I guess I’m just aware that I wasn’t moisturizing myself better before. This is the time I would rather hang out and write or call up D... who else, or just think what things I cant do. As soon as my head hits the pillow I’ll be shooting for 9am wake time. I actually feel sleepy which is amazing... considering the time i have spent in last 2 days.

Four things on priority:

1. mom is here cooking real yummy fat rich food so i need to be moving, exercising in any way shape or form I can.

2. Not touching those damn pills again until I am feeling unprovoked suicidal – wont let anyone push me to negativity.

3. Eating Breakfast! But not after 7PM.

4. Telling myself how beautiful and wonderful I am every day!

For time being these four things can change my life! I want to change my life, I feel good about really wanting it! Don’t know how it creeped in but its there and I feel good about it.


Seeing myself as I really am is a challenge when I look through the warped eyes of my jaded past, but when I think of my coming days i end up feeling so much of a time so less to do.Okies so i need to find things to do as well. My essence can’t change or be taken away from me. How could anyone on this earth, my mother, aunt, brother, father, or anyone who looks at me for any reason to judge me matter more than God or God’s opinion of me? Boy where did he came in from... mmmm wanted someone to say thank you to, so... welcome god.

But yes i really do wonder, how do we let people think that their malicious hearts and damaged minds had a right to speak to us about anything but pure love and forgiveness or something of that sort? How? why i ever scorned on someone without even knowing him? Saw him...hated him... why???I guess now i feel I am so much better than anyone’s misunderstood thoughts of me.

Let me seal it with saying it’s so true, “What you think of me is none of my business!” What must someone do who has not taken his ticket for the return journey which I had? How do they stand all the weight of hatred that exists in the world? Whom should i ask for forgiveness for ever thinking such awful thoughts about myself, which led to such awful thoughts about others.

I have done my time and now it’s time to go to bed and seek that coveted 8hour slumber of rejuvenation which i promised myself and from now its time to stand up for the promises I make to myself.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I love u toooooooooooooooooooo