Tuesday, September 4, 2012

Art of Living

Weather is fine… sun is out… greenery everywhere… you got butterflies on the flowerbed as well… location is surely not India but the one you see during the songs in any Bollywood romantics...Mr Bolek and Mrs Lolek sit down to share breakfast and the Sunday paper. Three years into their marriage, things are going great. They both work, share the household chores, manage their finances together and their love life is good... they even go for swimming and movies together like they dreamt of before marriage. Sure they fight sometimes... like other couples married or not..but  they talk it out and make sure they never go to bed angry and if they go they make sure not to break the promise of never sleeping in separate rooms/beds.

They both see kids in their future, at times they argue on the number of them but before that they want to be certain they're ready. Mr. Bolek thinks Mrs. Lolek would really like to settle down first in her new environment fulfill her individual dream before looking at dreams conceived jointly and while he is not to scared of fatherhood idea, he also wants to settle down in a stronger financial position and could wait a year longer if that's what it takes to get his family started on solid footing.

And I know the male version of this saga because Bolek told me. And why would he lie? It's not like he told me he was a Super-husband or aspires to be (although a decade back he wanted to be a super boyfriend.) And how likely is it that his wife is going to shoulder him aside and tell me their married life is a mess and the love part or whatever remains of it is awful… that Bolek goes to sleep hugging his pillow and shows childish arrogance when he is awake, or that till recently they were living under the roof of Bolek’s parents ruled under the Iron hand of Bolek's mother. Not likely at all! She seldom rebukes Bolek like he does to her! All I've got to go on is Bolek's story, and if anyone asks me, I'll tell them Bolek is a great guy and an awesome husband.

Bolek and Lolek don't really exist. They're a composite of several couples I've observed over the years. When I mix them together, I get a generic couple that I can discuss without violating confidentiality or any of my restraining orders issued by Mrs Ashraf. 

Bolek and Lolek aren't a composite.
I just made them up few moments back! Why?... Because spending years observing the dynamics of several married couples would be a whole lot more work than just telling you did… it gives my words certain amount of credibility. I bet you think I'm a jerk right now. And I know why because I keep writing meaningless thing to reach a point which is again meaningless. The question is what you like better - if people think you are smart or a jerk? Are you starting to get the picture?...

Anyway back to marriage -Let’s face it… married life will go a lot more smoothly for you if everyone thinks you're a great husband. But why not just be a great husband? Well my friend, the sad truth is… being a great husband in no way insures everyone will think that's what you are… Even your wife! Beside that being a great husband is all about self-improvement and absolute image cum habit makeover and if you're in the target demographic of this blog chances are you have accepted yourself just the way you are or simply find required changes is too much of a task to handle. A little overweight, shaving on a weekly basis, pleasantly ignorant, enjoying your laziness...life is fine that way

Now If you do everything I say… things are going to stay that way and everyone will still talk about what a fantastic husband you are. Except your wife… your wife is never going to change her opinion about you but then again she will never make her opinion public. I will say take it… it’s a better deal...

Let's take a quick quiz:

A.) I am ready for marriage Or I want to have kids Or I want to spend rest of my life with someone special Or I don't want to live/die alone
A.1) Parents are forcing me - (Kill them it's 20th Century -God will understand...)
C.) Ready access to good sex.

Since your answer was "C", we can move on to the next section.

Good SEX
Forget good sex. There is no such thing as sex...
I mean, sure, yes, fine, of course there is such a thing as sex. What I mean is, there's no such thing as sex the way you imagine it. There's no movie sex, no magazine sex, certainly no porno sex. What you have is lot of Lackluster, groping, fumbling, embarrassing, furtive mistimed sex. Every once in a rare while there's okay sex. Rarer still? Okay sex that involves another person also feeling it's okay...

Go ahead deny it and once you make peace with your pride come back to the article

Have you ever had really terrific sex? The kind you see in movies, where the camera pans down and the woman's fingers kind of grab the sheets and knot them up? Of course not. No one has. We have read and fantasized about it. Friends have told they've had it... debonair has published those stories, but truth is..it's all a LIE...

Why? ... Well that's a stupid question to ask my Friend 

After about a year of marriage, you'll have found out so much more horrible thing about your spouse and yourself you'll be ashamed to admire yourself in mirror, much less anything involving your 'other half', a term exactly as frightening as it ought to be. 

Chances are, even after knowing this, you will probably still get married, or worse yet, you already are. It's hard not to. So, barring Point C, what's left?

A winner never quits, a quitter never wins "It's not whether you win or lose, but how you play the game." "It's an honor just to be nominated" and so on… OR  "I truly enjoy eating cow dung", “I love getting my ass getting roasted in the name of sportsmanship” 

Whatever it is ...You have no idea what's coming...

Winning is better than losing. Period. If you had already agreed with me during the start of the article… my friend…you'll know you've already won half the battle because everyone says what a great husband you are… ofcourse except her that’s where the tricky other half comes in.

From here on all your efforts should be put in lying and faking… it’s for her…you're really doing this for her.

You might ask “How good is faking and lying?” I say it’s as good as an artist can get. It is a craft… and mastering a craft is a source of pride.

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