Thursday, January 12, 2012

Sins and handful of Realization

Croatia this time around was more of self-realization trip. Realized I am past my prime with receding hairline and overflowing stomach. Perhaps if you don’t read any blogs about my fatherhood peril or plans of it in next couple of years… understand that shipped has sailed for me. Ye, I realized bad stuff actually did a lot of good to me. Dope enhanced my imagination to think out of reality box. Cigarettes gave me patience to sit down and pen those. Chemicals gave me courage to go ahead and publish it for you judgmental pricks.

Realized I have become a GradeA moron as well. What I hate the most…are Other human beings. Oh I hate them so much that it gives me energy. I have to wake up early in the morning because no time enough to hate people. My hobbies include depression and making people guess why I am angry.

Realized it’s pretty easy to scare me as well. Not exactly a pussy… but say like Pussy-lips… right there around it. Had a night out with my brother-in law and couple of his friends hopping dance clubs (where I had greatest of realization) and was scared of any guy looking at me for more than couple seconds. I am sure if I had more than 5 of those skinhead giants looking at me, I would have got a stroke. But if there was a fight… I would have run… cowards live to run another day.

I also realized it would be good to have a more understanding wife in these things. Someone who kiss and hug you when you come home and say “Honey I ran away again!” Thanks god for not getting her husband bashed up. Marriage should happen on the basis of checklist...that's a late realization.

Realized there are 5 levels of drinking (6 if you are from Balkan region). Took one crazy night for me to call Eureka. Stage was set. My brother in-law Milan has planned a night out for me with his friends in a different city to celebrate. Got just three Commandments to follow:
i) With 4 boys in their late teen and early twenty’s I was the eldest in the lot and got to control the boys from unzipping their decency
iii) THOU SHOULD BE BACK BY 6 AM(she is cute… honey be back in 2-3 hours)
Realized during the 2nd level of drinking wife is no longer the commander of my vessel. Anyway,

Level 1: 11 PM.
Down by 3-4 Mugs of beer.
Head repeating every 30 seconds I am in control, I am in control.
You are thinking its fine... should do it once in a while… things will be just fine if I get those 7 hours of sleep…
And just then the unemployed guy in the lot buys you another round…

Level 2: 1 AM.
Down by 6-8 Mugs…
Hit the rest room twice and combed your hair before leaving it…
It’s 20 minutes you have argued with all 4 Croatians that their country is much better, cleaner, they should be proud of it culture is awesome you are in awe of it… These guys have shown you good time and you want to make them feel good by praising what young drunkards value most… in the flow you also mention they make much better movies. Philosophical topic opens with gender of God…
You are thinking… Its still under control as long as you get 7 hours of sleep
And once you are ready to leave for the day… devil appears on your shoulder... saying 5 hours is good enough

Level 3: 3 AM
Changed from Beer to J├Ągermeister… had 1 shot of Rakija in between somewhere
You love the bartender the most and secretly you know she also loves you a lot… she has not seen more handsome guy before…This time to loo you buy stranger a drink because you like his…Face
Croatia is fucked up and their movie is for retard…India and Indians are best in any form… Scientifically proven fact: if all Indians pee together pointing north Europe will drown. God is nonsexual… Holy cow is our mother and it’s not presumptuous to think you can milk your God
Realization: If you all buy this bar … you can be all together forever!
One of the boys calls it a day… and you know 3 hours sleep is all you need… but
…Devil is bigger this time

Level 4: 5 AM

Devil is bar-tending… don’t give a damn about number of round, total bill or type poison entering your system
1 Guy has passed out… you have shouted pussy to him going in his dreams… you have gone out to pee at the Square… hugged, kissed and took a photo with a barely restrained cop for borrowing you his lighter… You think you are the best looking guy in the world and you show finger to that Level 3 stranger because you don’t like his …Face
You decide to leave as soon as you are thrown out…
Realization: No use getting 1 hour sleep and wake up in the morning looking like an overused slut from Friday night orgy. You promise your barely awake conscience a long sleep tomorrow and now you can stay up all night

Level 5: 7 AM
Devil had called it a quit…
Been an hour you stole liquor and smoke from one of the boys father's cabinet and now you are fighting with the tattoo artist because you don’t know anyone named MastRam.
You crawled out of the car to walk 19 kms because there is more than 3 liters of Vomit in the car and meet the worst part of Level 5 – SUN
Yes, you didn’t expect that… People are jogging, some are going to work… Few read the tattoo on your hand

Realization: When you were in college beating the night was a great victory but at 30, Sun is like a GOD with Flashlights and you pray … show me the bed lord and never again… some also add in prayer that their wife never notice the missing wedding ring for reminder of their lives

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Aint life a bitch Bro????? luv readin your post always