Prophecies of Smoke-pipe Exploding Baba

Introduction

Chillum Phod Baba a.k.a Smoke-pipe Exploding Baba was a psychic seer who lived in India between 1981 and 2004 before disappearing into concrete desert. He recorded his visions in a cryptic code on bathroom walls of his many abode. I have painstakingly endeavored here to decode and translate his surviving predictions.

Some say CP Baba was the greatest seer since Nostradamus. Some believe he was even greater than his European counterpart. Some say he was a highly evolved bicycle. Some doesn’t say anything...

I say intercourse it! Let Chillum Phod Baba be CP Baba. His work speaks for itself.

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1. “When the crow shits at high noon, and the brown corn will harvest, then shall the honking enforcer come and any which way he can swim the dead wagging pool.”

Translation: CP Baba is foretelling the population explosion in India and extinction of street dogs due to road kill.

2. “When Pisces jives through the ides of March, and uterus rises at the thirteenth zodiac sign, then will the concrete bitch scream through the hairy pajama wearers.”

Translation: CP Baba is predicting the fall of United States when they offend the gods by actually electing a woman President.
(Or)
He may be predicting the rape of the Statue of Liberty by King Kong.

3. “When the lion in gold rivals the sun and the three brothers turn from rock to Mujra(Indian exotic dance to entertain truck drivers and losers), then shall the screaming eagle lay an egg on her maiden flight and it shall fall on the head that has already been shit upon.”

Translation: CP Baba foresees that George W Bush will have his butts shaved by St. Ashraf and paraded through the wall street chained to Osama Bin Laden.

4. “When the moon is in the seventh sky and Jupiter aligns with Mars, then the bookworm of scriptures will have its intercourse with hookah smoking caterpillar”

Translation: CP Baba prophecies Junkies and dopers will have a long healthy life and science will confirm that codeine and cocaine are actually good for healthy happy living!!! Ya ya Hippi Hippi

5. “When the snake slides back into its hole and the river flows back to the spring, then shall woman show their back at bazaar and peace be back in hand.”


Translation: CP Baba is just having a bad night.

6. “When penises grow in potted plants and vaginas are available in disposable 6-packs, then shall people have sex by email and virus will born in brothels.”

Translation: CP Baba is trying to say that with the second coming of Christ, the message of the kingdom of heaven shall be: Why prey, when you can Pink Slip?
(OR)
CP Baba is predicting the revival of global market.
(OR)
CP Baba is just being sarcastic and saying bloody hell keep on dreaming...

7. “A man shall rise from the ruins of Olympus and run madly through the streets waving his penis at screaming woman.”

Translation: CP Baba foresees the inclusion of nude marathon in Olympics.

8. “When sun reaches its orgasm and earth sleeps naked, then man shall drink her urine clean with adultery.”

Translation: CP Baba foresees global warming and end of all natural resources.

9. “"Kada hram djevičanskih boginja orgija koje savitljivo drže hram bude opijen komarcima, tada će slatke pite biti rezane i služiti za pse ludila."

English translation: “When the temple of the virgin goddess of orgy who holds a limp stick is stung by drunken mosquito, then shall all cutie-pies be sliced and served to mad dogs without mustard.”

Translation: CP Baba predicts HIV+ would be named a new blood group
(OR)
CP Baba is trying to woo a Croatian witch

10. “When...”

Translation: Most probably CP Baba is having a bad hangover.
(OR)
CP Baba is caught scribbling in the loo....
(OR)
CP Baba’s Chalk got over