Vegetarian is a nobody

My folks (family...relatives...community...countrymen...?) are often offended when I tell them I’m a vegetarian. It is an insult to their intelligence -they think so... (Actually I was a veggie for long time but a carnivore now... I guess I just love insulting once intelligence at times -I think so...).

Many times people do not really comprehend what it means when you tell them you do not eat meat, and respond with, “So have chicken, at least.” Eggs I can still understand but chicken??? My befuddled expression is met with eye-rolling, sneers and all sorts of judging. Some look down on you from their meat-eating position of superiority, while others resent you for being snobbish, elitist or just plain weird. Mr. Ashraf’s younger son doesn’t eat meat... what kind of Muslim he is?

Veggie is a high suspect, terrorist -like; even though most terrorist I know ask for beef kebabs first thing after completing their training (Bloody hell just kidding #$#%#$%! half the people I know cant kill a mosquito in one clap). Yet in our minds vegetarian = weak. The popular thinking is that meat gives us an edge over grass-eaters.

Carnivores are stronger and taller; even light-complexioned than herbivores. Isn’t that so? It has to be!!! The ultimate argument is of course that healthy children, growing bones and intelligent minds need loads of animal protein and animal fat.

There is no way you can pass the “Why are you vegetarian?” test. When God has declared it okay to eat certain animals, how dare you refuse goats feet, cows butt and buffaloes brain? All your spiel about animal rights, health consciousness, environment-friendly practices, greed versus need, cost-benefit analysis, simplicity, self-restraint, feelings of guilt, blood, anger and shame over economic disparities. All your arguments will meet with the ultimate roadblock: “How can you?? It tastes so good!”

I guess my folks never learnt to love their vegetables. Greens are usually seen to be a curse, a last-resort, an enemy. Khichri (rice and daal mixture) for example is only for when you have an upset stomach. Karelas are for the diabetic grandparents. Children are fed concoctions of peas, carrots and potatoes with methi leaves thrown in throughout winter because those are the only vegetables in season. Of course vegetables are not worth mom’s creative innovation in the kitchen.

The fact is if you are vegetarian, you are pretty much a social outcast. So you may as well throw away those wedding invitations, name giving ceremony...anniversaries and stop going to any dinner parties. You’re just going to be a source of annoyance to your hosts. Even staples like rice and bread are usually meat-nourished – Keemay Wala Naan and a dozen varieties of biryani and pulaos.

I am a carnivore now... guess I started eating flesh because I can’t stand those irritating bleats and moos love alone their shitting etiquettes... I hate animals which can be eaten and are still not cooked... this one goes for my friend who usually takes sabbatical leave for months together from eating meat..

Behold the mighty Englishman
He ruled the Indian small.
And cause he was a meat eater,
He was six cubit tall.


.