There is only one Criminal and it is not man

-Not Me


I believe in religion and many other things which you want me to believe in. I am a believer because you want me to and hence I kill all the arguments which one will love to have with me, but at times I wonder if I was not a believer in so many things around me what reasons I will carry not to believe in them. Today I write my heart out on my beliefs and beg you not to agree with me for my company and destiny is something which you wouldn’t cherish at all.

I believe in God. No sir I am not a fool not to believe in his existence such life and misery can’t sprout from chance. What I don’t differentiate is between Devil and God. I believe devil is more subtle and modest form of God who accepts his character. My only praise for the almighty is we don’t have two of him.

My friends find me cruel when it comes to experiments I do or the lack of action I show in times of humane need. In my dreams I often put a dog in the fire and hold him down with the tongs, and enjoy his yelps and moans and struggling and then when his skin starts burning I have to wake up to relieve the dog of his misery, but I guess with a man it would be different. I never dreamt of doing such things to a man and even if I do one day, I think that in the long run, if his wife and kids, who had not harmed me, should come crying and pleading, I would forgive him; I know I should forgive him and let him go, even if he had violated me in the meanest way possible. I don’t know why god made hell for all my actions. Am I wrong if I feel in general, a common man is "better, kinder, gentler, more to be respected, honoured, and esteemed" than the deity they ostensibly revere.

I love my mother with all the love I am capable of. Her belief in god and her fear and blindness towards alternate always pushed me towards finding an alternate. For all our miseries and pain she had only one answer “it’s his will, what ever happens... happens for good”
Why should I believe that?

“Because he is all powerful he is all good...nothing happens unless he wills...Do you follow”
I never did but I always said yes. She sowed the fear of saying no in me long back but then again she also sowed the seed of not believing anything said or anyone around me. To this day I seldom say no and believe anything within the confines of my heart.
“Eat – pray, drink-pray, work-pray, tremble-pray, laugh-pray, weep-pray, sleep-pray, and die while praying.” If god is all mighty why he needs my filthy prayers? If I am all powerful man with 100 servants I am sure I will be fine without burning few of my servants who don’t acknowledge me as his bread giver.

My mother lost it with me long back. Although we never debated she knows I am not coming back. She never could understand that I always found her saturated to the marrow with the most malignant form of religion that sort which considers the saving of one's own paltry soul the first & supreme end & object of life. She has harried me into religion & then made religion so intolerable to me with her unearthly timed prayers & religious speech that it has had the effect of harrying me out of it again. At times seeing my old mother pray with so much conviction at wee hours I feel if she doesn’t get her wishes fulfilled by morning then Mr. God is surely not worth it... its another story rising sun never brought good tidings for her.

Wishes...dreams... together we have seen so many of them being fulfilled around us by different modes. So many... that my prime regret stays that she could never understand why prayers are the most inferior way of fulfilling dreams.

Prime accusation what I have against god is creating the concept of good and evil, giving birth to test and tribulation, bifurcating human life into right hand and left hand path. If you are the believer of the book lets go back to the origin... to the Garden of Eden. Did God got tired of innocent life of Adam and put him under test. What has he done? Wasn’t he unborn innocent? Isn’t god guilty of entrapment? If the tree was not for Adam why place it near him? Thus he gave the birth to true evil – Test where temptation leads you astray. Why blame temptation to the devil when test itself was born by godly hands. By allowing humans to distinguish good and bad, his sole idea was to tempt and to enable humans to do evil. Without it, we would live in a state of idyllic innocence, unafflicted by conscience. With it, we are inferior to the other life form we share the earth with. Whenever I look at the other animals and realize that whatever they do is blameless, I envy the dignity of their being, its purity and its loftiness, and recognize that the Moral Sense we carry so proudly is actually the bane of our very existence.

Anyways, I feel one good gift the fatal apple gave is the gift of Reason: let it not be over-swayed by tyrannous threats to force us into faith born by fear against all external sense and inward feeling we might have: Think and endure--and form an inner world In your own heart—where the outward fails.

I question the invention of hell... Cruelty of the lowest kind imaginable. It deprives the wretched human race of its lone solace... eternal death. Human kind lost its ownership of peace forever. The supreme lord who claims to love us more than thousand mothers in my religion and many others created hell for most his creation.

I wish we could all wake to see the kind of pain and suffering he has invented for us. "The day we are born he begins to persecute us. Even our littleness, our innocence, our helplessness cannot move him to any pity, any gentleness. Day after day, week after week, month after month, the motiveless torture goes on." "Pain...pain... and more pain, pain-in the teeth, in the stomach, in the bowels; disease follows disease: measles, malaria, typhoid, migraine, arthritis, cancer, scarlet fever, T.B, tonsillitis--there is no end to the list."

The kind of animals he created in abundance around us is for his sheer wicked entertainment. Armies commissioned to rot and destroy humankind. Each army equipped with a special detail of the work. Be it mosquitoes, rat or common house flies. God orders: "Depart into the uttermost corners of the earth, and diligently do your appointed work. Persecute the sick child; settle upon its eyes, its face, its hands, and gnaw and pester and sting; worry and fret and madden the worn and tired mother who watches her child, and who humbly prays for mercy and relief with the pathetic faith of the deceived and abused."

We humans... or let me say I, if you object... I am the poorest and the meanest joke that was ever conceived- the most shameful uncouth April-fool joke, played by a tyrant Creator with nothing better to waste his time upon." As a programmed mechanism, "am I to blame for what I have turned out to be?" I didn’t create myself nor did I exercise control over my being. Wouldn’t I have done it differently if I had the option to create and write my destiny? So I feel it’s only the unthinking fools among us believed they have an obligation to God and owe Him thanks, reverence, and worship.

There is nothing to talk and discuss, I have gone beyond the gates of the promised hell and wont be coming back even if one calls me. No, I am not bold or brave, I am just tired and my back is bent carrying this weight all my life. I have to lie down and I can’t care more if it rains or people spit on me. There is God and there is universe which he created, I believe in both...but there is only deep abyss in that ocean of heart and in it is a lost and homeless and wandering and companionless and indestructible Thought. I am a part of that thought which unlike others can be very easily ignored. And God, and the Universe, and Time, and Life, and Death, and Joy and Sorrow and Pain only an ugly and brutal dream, evolved from the frantic imagination of that same Thought.

If you agree to any sentence you have read in the above passage ask yourself “do you believe my atheist pessimism with your mind or with your...heart?”