The art of Commiting Suicide

There was a time when I was thinking of committing suicide not many moons ago. Committing suicide not because I hate this life but because I was so very curious to know what lies beyond death. This life as such is over... she got married... she is married...global warming... mosquitoes at night...traffic jams... dust... noise... sunlight... I hate everything. What I love is something which I can buy and own all my life. I feel its safe addiction... we are diverting from the topic... back to suicide to unveil the ultimate mystery “what lies beyond death”. I won’t mind being a ghost if I get all those special powers what we think they have. In fact I think I will do pretty good at being a ghost. I mean most people die an unwanted death or as an unsatisfied soul and become ghost, here I am dieing to become ghost. I don’t want to hang myself if you read more about death by hanging you will find instances where people took half an hour or may be more to actually die. That’s bloody painful and I don’t want a painful death. I guess the best way is to have an over doze of sleeping pills. Yes, that’s the best way – “dieing when you are sleeping...” but there are preparations, things to be done... actions to be executed. You don’t commit a suicide without writing a suicide note...That will be foolish... give a reason to your death...Your suicide note will be the last thing people have to remember you by. Your relatives, friends, police officers, and others, will read it. Some people take your suicide note to judge the way you lived your life. You might think that suicide notes would be the most carefully crafted documents, however in many cases, they are written carelessly and hastily. The worst suicide notes I know of was of girl in her late twenties from my childhood days. She died by hanging herself to the ceiling fan hook her suicide note said “I am committing suicide”...

I have shelved the idea of committing suicide for time being there are few things on priority which I may not be able to do if I die...but I got few things to share with people who want to leave a real impression before buying their ticket to happy hunting grounds.

If you are not actually committing suicide because you want to die but are just looking to get attention, do not bother reading this. The world never forgets the one who cant even do a good job in committing suicide. And your note will mean nothing once the doctors are done treating the scratches on your wrists or pumping the 2000mg of Advil out of your stomach. There are better ways of getting attention anyway. For those who value mystery of death more than miseries of life I will suggest make this your masterpiece. There is no joy better than leaving the world when you are on top of it.

Start Early.
Getting an early start is important. If you can, start a few days before your suicide. Make sure you're in a clear state of mind. You do not want to try to write your note while waiting for the pills you took to kick in, or have to rush through it before you bleed to death. Giving yourself enough time to write your note will help eliminate the most common mistakes.

Don't try to say everything.
There are probably a lot of things you have on your mind, and you need to take some time and sort them out. Decide what is most important to say and leave out things that don't matter. Decide now what you want your readers to come away with after reading your note. Eliminate those things that distract from that point.

Handwrite your note if you can.
A handwritten note is a lot more personal. However, if you are worried your letter will not be understood, or you are physically not able to write it by hand don't worry about it. The important thing is that you get your message across.

Be natural.
Write the way you would speak. I feel a good suicide note is personal, not formal. Don't get out the thesaurus and look for the biggest words you can find. Be yourself.

Avoid cliché’s
Filling your note with phrases like "Goodbye cruel world" and "no one understands me" will make your note feel less like your thoughts and more like a form letter. Too many cliché’s and it can look like you are just going through the motions or that you are leaving a note because you feel that you should, but without having anything to say. If you want to say something but it sounds too cliché, try to re-word it a little.

In general, use first person.
It creates a sense of intimacy and makes it easier for a reader to see things from your point of view, if you want to use a different viewpoint, be sure that you stick to it throughout your whole note.

Don't use your note like a will.
You might want your best friend to get your stereo but your suicide note is not the place to express that. If you want to leave certain things to certain people you should setup a will ahead of time. Just because you write it down does not make it legal, and it can be easily dismissed by the claim that you were not of sound mind when you wrote it.
Taking the time to set up a will will also help keep you from giving away your stuff in the months/weeks/days before the suicide. That's one of the most obvious indications that you are thinking about killing yourself and will likely get you "saved", or at least make the process more difficult.

Be Honest.
Your note will be one of the last things you give the world to judge you by. If you include things that others can disprove, it can discount the entire note. Besides, there is not much reason for lying at this point, is there? Go by the Hindi movies dieing men don’t lie.

Don't reveal your methods.
This is most important when taking poisons and pills. Telling everyone what you took just makes it easier for them to give you the treatments needed to revive you. Alternately, you do not want someone to find the note that details which bridge you're jumping off of before you get that chance to jump. They might be able to stop you. People will find out how you did it once the autopsy reports come in anyway. Beside if you thinking my way via sleeping pills some Indian shit head will surely come up with sentence like “he was too coward to hang himself.”

Don't say anything you might regret.
There is always a chance that you will be found and "rescued". Suicide notes are not the place to rip into people, give away other's secrets, or confess crimes. The last thing you want is to end up in a hospital bed, facing the people who read something you would never have told them while alive.

Don't try to persuade the reader.
You do not want to spend your time trying to convince the reader that you are right. In most cases nothing you can say will change the way they feel. Your purpose is to express your point of view. It doesn't matter if the reader shares your point of view or not, only that they understand it. Anyways the world is going to brand you as wrong so the least you can do is don’t go to that tangent at all where things can only be right or wrong.

Proofread your note.
Re-read your note at least twice. It's easy to make a simple mistake that distracts from the overall feel of the note. When reading over your note, there are a lot of things to look for. It's better to read it several times, looking for something different each time then to try to remember it all while reading it over once.
Make sure the point you wanted to get across when you started writing is clear. Don't be afraid to make corrections, but be sure to read your note over again when you do.

Make your note easy to find
Take some time to consider where to leave your note. If you can't leave it near you, be sure to leave it in an obvious location. Even if you want someone in particular to read your note first, avoid sending it to someone by mail. There are too many things that could go wrong and once you send it, it's gone. Your note could get lost in the mail, or worse, it could reach someone before you can go though with it, or it goes to a spam and he deletes it before actually knowing you are dead.

Check your note for flow.
Your note should progress rather then being a loose connection of thoughts and feelings. People reading your note should see that it is going somewhere. That you are head strong...that you committed suicide because you were capable enough to execute this action to the fullest. If you're having a hard time, start with a sentence or two that sum up the point of the letter, and then end with a summary of the same topic. Every paragraph in between should support that point.

Make sure it's not too long.
There is a reason it's called a suicide note and not a novel. Try to keep it around two or three pages at the most. Avoid the temptation to mention or leave a little note to everyone you know. Not only does that get dull fast but you're certain to leave someone out.

P.S: There must be many more things to do which I am not aware of at present. If you think I missed out on something kindly share it with me and if possible, please send a copy of your suicide note to me at bottled.heights@gmail.com or leave a voicemail at 919880224784

The Legend Of SEX

Sex is neither godly nor satanic. So what is it..?

I was having a casual chat with this female friend of mine who has lived her entire 25 years of life having all wrong notions about sex. I thought let me ejaculate my thoughts over here and I am sure she would be the first one to read it and then will come my D factor heartbeats asking my why I wrote it and who is this 25 yr old dumb virgin.

Coming back to the Sex factor I feel there are lot of mis-givings that people have been propagating about sex from all sides, especially we Indians, I don’t know why we always end up thinking we are the sex gurus of the world although we really don’t invest much time or energy in actually doing it. I feel sex is neither divine nor sin, neither Godly nor Satan, neither holy nor unholy. Sex is neither love nor lust, neither masturbation nor mating and especially for we Indians neither domain of ones pepe nor an art of their hand.

There is this good man I know, who treats sex as divine and worships his wife. Infact I believe its is so divine for him, that he does not actually do it hoping one day Christ or Karna is going to be born in his house…

And then there are so many women and men, who don't do it on occasions, sighting spirituality. They don't fail in other duties of excretion, but this (s)excretion is sin. And then there are a whole lot of religious preachers who preach sex as sin and ask people to suppress it. Many of them let it out in different ways is another issue.

What is Godly in sex..? That it may lead to pro-creation is a thing that is being sighted as godly. Does that mean the doctor who is fertilizing the egg with sperms in a lab, is doing a Godly act..? or the poultry farm owners who performs artificial incubating and take out chickens in dozens every 20 minutes are god? What bloody godly substance we can find in a murgiwala?

And what’s satanic in sex..? Sexual urges lead men/women to destroy each other. Hence these urges need to be suppressed. This is not in sex only. A hungry man steals food or robs people for eating. Does eating become satanic..? a scholar will crave for book, a writer as humble as me will urge for pen and paper does that make books & pens & papers of the world satanic (considering its me who is gonna write so nothing good is gonna come out). I believe the act of raping, robbing or stealing is condemnable, not the physical urge that triggers it.

And what is holy in sex..? Having physical relationship between people.. is it holy..? Even plants involve in sex by pollination. Everything in this world is a culmination of one or more items. Then everything is holy. For this I feel it cant be holy I have my own philosophical take on that "A thing can’t be holy if it doesn’t have the purity... that oneness..." Sex is of dual nature.. anything related with god needs to be pure with oneness and completehood. God for me cant be a by-product of two things, he needs to be one and defining completehood. What I mean is Mr. Sun cant marry Ms. Moon and have offspring Master Earth as God. Its debatable and I wont buy it even if I lose.

What is unholy in sex..? Except for the secretions that get transferred between the bodies, there is nothing else that we can think of as unholy. If secretion becomes unholy, our mother's milk is the first secretion we taste, it becomes unholy. Have you ever thought if it would have been the first human being to classify things holy or unholy he perhaps would have gone this way:

“Lord whatever comes out from the backside of this Mrs Hen would be unholy and I wont boil and eat it” This very line would have taken egg out of our breakfast table.

My good readers Sex is just a natural desire for men and women and at times maybe supernatural considering Superman and He man also had parent. Then why do our elders prescribe it inside an institution like marriage..? We need to understand it logically.

Lets do a short study of human origination and civilization...Humans from individual hunters(Adam), went into groups of hunters(Adam & Sons ltd.), then they graduated to community settlers, from communities morphed into large families as population grew, dis-integrated into joint families with further population growth and decomposed into single families, now becoming nuclear families or in layman's term having a live in relation and probably going back to individuals in coming future..

When we were in community, women were given to a family. All sons in family plough on land and increase the harvest. With joint families, it became that women were given to one son in the family and when he dies, his junior would take over his role and his side of bed.

With further enlargement of population and need for increasing the population came down, the practice got morphed into eliminating the wife physically or mentally so that competition to property and division of property does not happen.

At every stage of our growth our rules on sex has continuously changed. It has come to this one-on-one few hundreds years back and as humans are becoming individualistic again, it will probably go back to any-on-any, few centuries down.

**

Today in my view the family system has become the grass-root for our democratic society. And it can provide peace of mind and good life experience to people in multiple dimensions like security (physical and emotional), pleasure and satisfaction.

Although I don't prefer a family system but that surely doesn't mean I don't believe in one nor it takes away the love I have for my family. I do believe in family life and find people living in family lot livelier and happy than people like me staying in solitude.

It is not the point of keeping socket closed or open till the institutionalisation is done, more an issue of keeping the society that we live, at peace, so that it does not get new problems everyday. Hence it is better to have sex as per our traditional rules and keep the socket shut and wait for the occasion.

And the bonus point within the four walls, which socket goes where it really does not matter.

So my 25yr old ignorant Virgin this is what I say:

If you have eaten jack-fruit, you would taste the softness of that flesh first, then it's smoothness as you wet it with your saliva, and as you bite into it, its sweetness and as you bite more and more, a lingering sweet happiness, you would feel in your mouth. And when you finish it completely, you would feel content and happy that you ate one.

If you explore sex with your wife, it is like eating the jack-fruit. You have to break the shell, get it open, reach the flesh, wet it, bite it, break it and in the end you are happy about having one.And before you object let me tell you that I cant give an example from a girls point of view primely because I am simply not one and secondly I have never seen a guy with those girlish coy look.

Today I am happy because my life called me up and I pray your lives also calls you up soon. Together we have been through a cold and lonely times and trust me there is nothing better than one's life calling him up.

Goodbye Sweetheart

I don’t know where it went so wrong. I don’t even know why I went that way when there was nothing right to be seen.

Well for the sake of argument I can say it was right at one time. She was the perfect woman for me. The right height; the right looks; the right poise; all that grace and charm; that heart-stopping smile; that funny wit; and that touch of vulnerability and innocence sprinkled with possessiveness.

I don’t even remember how many varied kind of monkey acts I have performed to grab her attention. She was my ultimate high-maintenance woman, with her ever changing footwear, high expectations, high morals, high society, high flying ideals and a small ear ring at a high place on her left ear. It was impossible to connect with the height she was at. Flattering though her attention was, I was not much interested then. It seems like a long hard road not promising much in return. Anyways perfection never attracted me.

Days were of 70 hours then. Life was more satisfied; god was not much in demand, top most priority in life was to kill time.

Then that stumble, that crack in her perfect façade, a momentary weakness; there was a brief requirement of my presence and life was never same again.

She could read me from day one; I was always naked in front of her. Naked and ashamed with eyes hard closed. Before I can help myself I opened my eyes to see I am hiding behind her. This was to continue in its snail speed for many months to come. She was taken and I was at the point of no return.

I didn’t ask for this, it just happened.

“In love with a married woman” – “welcome to my life”.

This is an ideal catch 22 situation. God forbid try to avoid this as one avoids a plagued dog. You lose the game irrespective of which side you play. Nothing good can be salvaged from this disaster.

Our relationship changed in subtle ways. There were many unspoken laws being made and followed everyday. Laws and action without any sane logic. The path to destruction was paved with good intentions of trying to fit each other’s fantasies – except that we didn’t realize when those fantasies were replaced with nightmares. Atleast I don’t know.

She was now my benefactor of nightmares and I was getting addicted to my prisoner persona.

There were bitter fights, painful comments being passed... we started questioning our relationship and our presence in each others life on a daily basis. Although I realized this road doesn’t promise an ounce of goodness, she was still my angel who dwelt in heavens and ignorant of my descent into hell.

Everyday I used to wake up faking to myself that it was all a nightmare and she cares for me. Everyday I used to look in her bright eyes trying to see a reflection of that companion... of that feeling which brought us together in the first place; instead I used to find this puppet, this sycophant, this lying shell of a human I had become. I was losing my honour and integrity to my heart. Trust me it’s not at all a tolerable one. You are fighting with yourself, you don’t know whom to choose, you don’t know who is going to win... you don’t have control. You become a helpless spectator to this battle waged everyday. You silently watch your life getting eroded. A little peace... a little peace can only be bought with overdoze of drugs in every solitary moment of your life. You become allergic to real world. You start seeing a stranger in the mirror. A stranger built on false illusions and craving needs.

What was left for me to do? I don’t fight nor do I crave to win. I am quiet fine losing things. I am comfortable living in a virtual world. I don’t expect people to be honest with me I am quiet fine with people lying to me. When a relations gets plagued it’s a slow and painful death. You die in inches. So the best I could do was make arrangement for my funeral service.

Bags packed, filled ‘em with memories of dreams that I have lived. Made a bonfire of my nightmares and solitude... bid adieu to regrets...slaughtered forgiveness...Gathered my sins & regrets and blessed them with the holy water of dry tears. With slow deliberate moves broke the mirror of my false reflections, absorbing... feeling all the pain. If you want to end something they say burn it, if not that then burn its effigy. I burned my dreams, my abode.

I stepped out in the cold night air, shut the front door leading her way and locked it carefully. Burned the key, erased her phone number the only source of communication with her. She was floating too high to notice what was happening on my turf. It was one sided affair, it was always a one sided affair. I built that wall and it was I who destroyed it.

Self realization can at times be very painful... at times you wish that person would declare that you are a nuisance in her life rather than realizing yourself that you are the unwanted. It’s a disease within.

....

Its almost 4 in the morning and till few minutes back it was raining madly. It’s an eerie silence now. You can feel the restlessness of earth to know whether it is going rain again or not. This silence reminds me of the scene in Saving Private Ryan where the handful of US army were waiting for the Germans to attack.

.....

Jon Bon Jovi is playing in the wind.

“You think you know me just because you know my name,”
You think you see me 'cause you've seen every line on my face
You want to want me just because I say that I want you
But does it matter if anything I'm saying is the truth

...

The night is fading like my old tattoo
A heart and a dagger that says "Forever"
Staring at your window with a suitcase in my hand
The streetlights buzz as the cars roll by and the moon don't give a damn
I'm getting tired of talkin', even I don't understand
Why I'm staring at your window with a suitcase in my hand

Like everything even this story comes to an end. Praise thy lord for everything comes to an end.

Letter From Brother Saad - On the Tyrant called "Saddam Hussein"

Salaam Ashraf,

Got your email, I am quiet impressed by the knowledge you have gathered about Castle of Alamut and the story behind "the old man of the mountains". I have not gone through it completely but I can say its nearer to facts than fiction.

Talking about Saddam Hussein, it will be a lie to say we are acquainted but yes we have met couple of times during my tenure in Mustansiriya University.

Although I have no sympathy for the man sentenced to the gallows for the crimes he committed against our people, but, it’s for reflecting the respect for the man who brought genuine change in Arab world. I am sharing with you my biased opinion about him which may not align with the general opinion formulated by the mass crowd.

Saddam Hussein has been found guilty of crime against humanity and has been sentenced to death by a trial court in Baghdad. For the mass murder of 148 Shi'ite villagers after an attempt on his life in the town of Dujail in 1982. He was captured alive near his home town from a farm house in 2003, it really does not matter today, if some one betrayed him by drugging him and handing over for a consideration, probably the truth may have been buried permanently, or one day, who knows a de-classified document from CIA may reveal all. Till then we can feed on Media’s speculation.

I can confidently say many may not be knowing that, Saddam Hussein has been convicted to death sentence in absentia by a tribunal in 1959 for attempt to over throw General Abdul Karim Quasum, He has been involved in many such attempts including the successful overthrow of Abdul Salaam Arif in 1968, he was made Vice president and was made 4 Star general, with his cousin Hassan Al-Bakr as President, latter overthrew him to takeover as President in 1979. He was a de facto ruler much before the takeover in 1979.

Saddam Hussein was the main instrument of US as an agent of CIA to curb the Soviet influence in this region, He was used for containing the influence of resurgent Islamic Iran, the Iran- Iraq war was used by the west to minimize the growing influence of Shia’s in Islamic world, especially in Arab countries, who were scared of revolution may sweep through their countries.

The latter backing out of Arabs, especially Kuwait in sharing the burden of 30 Billion US dollar war time loan, and perceived cheating of oil from its soil, through cross drilling of oil wells and the historic notion of Kuwait being a province of Iraq prior to 1920(It was occupied by British forces, latter who made Kuwait a separate country). The occupation of Kuwait for him was a logical step and he thought a negotiated settlement would be arrived, as West would think twice to derail his regime, with the fear of growing influence of Iran. The entire Arab world saw Iraq as a bulkhead against Shia resurgence. To their horror, they saw themselves sucked into Western game plan in aiding and helping in curbing Saddam Hussein, leaving Iran time to recoup and become stronger.

Saddam was a family man, had five children from his first wife, and subsequently married two other women, the story, how and why is again controversial. His son Udday was a feared for his ruthless actions. His exploits were known to many in Iraq. Saddam was very revengeful and he demonstrated it by killing his own son- in -law, similarly he is credited of silencing his opponents ruthlessly, supposed to have got a cabinet minister cut into pieces and got it delivered to the wife of the killed minister for showing disloyalty in a cabinet meeting. The ability to fight was his trademark and the quality brought him power and also his down fall.

I had support the plea that Saddam needs to be honorably executed by a firing squad a desire he has expressed several times as a man in military uniform, and not to be hung in any case. I believe that the crime he has committed against our people has been proved beyond any doubt. From a third persons perspective an act of rightful action in 1982 has been termed as a crime in 2006, History has several examples and one need not argue on the merits.

The qualities I admired the most in Saddam:

He was a Nationalist to the core, very few will debate on that irrespective of whether they agree with his actions or not. He had the ability to hold the country together, despite divisions on the basis of ethnic, religious, language, and tribal /non tribal, urban/rural, poor/rich, language feelings. You need to be one of us living this diversity to understand the changes he brought.

A professed secularist, it’s a quality well demonstrated in this country during his regime, he crushed the orthodox Islam and the mullahs and allowed reasonable freedom to the individuals to follow religion of his choice and supported moderate Islam. His secular credentials are worth noting, as a practitioner of Islam, it’s very difficult to be Secular as well as Nationalist, which by choice he choose.

He spoke about pan Arab feelings but refused merger with Syria. Thereby, demonstrating his nationalist leanings.

He gave women equal rights and allowed western values to be liberally followed for emancipation of women. Many women found place in higher echelons of Govt., a rare thing in Arab world.

He banned veil in public places as an act and a symbol of freedom.

Spent money on education, health and general up keep of Iraqi people irrespective of their ethnicity. He was particular about his tribe as far as security apparatus was concern, as they were loyal to him. We all know 65 % of Iraq is Shia. And only 20 percent is Sunni Arabs, another 15 % being Kurds a non Arab Sunni’s. The Christian population was very loyal to him for allowing freedom of religion.

His was the only Govt. in the whole of Muslim world, which had a detailed agenda for Infrastructure development to benefit the people at large and oil revenues were used for the purpose.

Probably only Arab leader who bothered about land reforms and rural economy, spent lots of attention on modernization of Agriculture. The pain of being born in the tribe of shepherds made him look for the well being of rural folks.

He was the one who stopped kangaroo courts of Islamic clergy, and Iraq was the only country which had the legal system on Western lines. The Islamic courts functioned only for injury/body claims.

Unlike what US propagate and what non-Iraqis believe in he did not allow Al Qaeda or any religious fundamentalists to gain ground in Iraq.

I wonder what others would have done in his place, if a majority of 65% of Shia’s loyalty were with ayatollahs of Iran, and 15% of Kurdish people aspiring for an independent country along with their brothers in Turkey. Mind you, the north of Iraq along with south Iraq is the region were all our oil wells are located, and both the places had population hostile to his regime.

His most well fed and elite Republican guards never came in good aid to him in all the two wars, they were sitting ducks in 1991 gulf war and in 2003, they just vanished in thin air. A daring raid by a column of US armed cars and tanks could successfully move inside Baghdad without a challenge and return back, showed shallowness of his so called elite troops. The single act by the Commanding officer of US troops led to pre-closure of war much before anyone could anticipate.

In the act of condemning him we should not forget the good job done by him for the people of this country.

The man is dead; standing fearless, undeterred asking to be hanged without being masked speaks volumes about his courage and unflinching faith on his principles for which he stood all his life.

Guilty as charged or the price of being in the bad books of Uncle Sam is for the world to decide.

Hope this little biased knowledge from an old ignorant man like me be of some help to you.

Dr. Saad Tawfiq
Ex. HOD Islamic Studies
Mustansiriya University

Castle Of Alamut - Letter to Brother Saad (Ex. HOD Islamic Studies Mustansiriya University, Iraq)

Salaam Brother Saad,

Thank you for sharing your valuable time and Islamic culture knowledge with me, yesterday.

I am quiet fascinated by the Story behind “Castle of Alamut” and “Old man of the Mountains”.

As discussed find attached the information I was able to gather regarding the same. I am not very sure with the authenticity of this document.

I will be great if you can go through it and share your valuable thoughts with me.

Coming back to Saddam Hussein I strongly believe whatever information or opinion we have formed is highly influenced by the west media. It will be great to hear from your end as an Iraqi citizen. I will be highly obliged if you can share your views on him.

“Castle of Alamut” & “Old man of the mountains"

In the 'History of Alamut' there are at least four etymologies given for the word assassin.

1. User of hashish
2. Follower of Hassan
3. Rowdy people
4. Asas

Below I've included excerpts from various sources which argue the 'correct' etymology of the term. Generally contemporary Isma'ili sources reject the 'hash' root entirely (though do not, interestingly enough, reject the Alamutis 'terrorist' reputation) as demeaning to Isma'ilis.

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Myth: The word assassin is derived from the word hashish.

It is a common myth that the word assassin comes from the Arabic word haschishin for hashish user.

The story is that al-Hassan ibn-al-Sabbah used hashish to enlist the aid of young men into his private army known as assassins (aschishin - or follower of Hassan). One of the primary sources for this information comes from the writings of Marco Polo who visited the area in 1273, almost 150 years after the reign of Al-Hassan.

There are many conflicting facts and sources for this information.

In the early 11th century, al-Hassan became the head of the Persian sect of the Ismailians, a rather obscure party of fanatics which gained local power under his guidance. In 1090, al-Hassan and his followers seized the castle of Alamut, in the province of Rudbar, which lies in the mountainous region south of the Caspian Sea. It was from this mountain home that he obtained evil celebrity among the Crusaders as "the old man of the mountains", and spread terror through the Mohammedan world.

In the account given by Marco Polo in "The Adventures [or Travels] of Marco Polo" it is told that "The Old Man kept at his court such boys of twelve years old as seemed to him destined to become courageous men. When the Old Man sent them into the garden in groups of four, ten or twenty, he gave them hashish to drink. They slept for three days, then they were carried sleeping into the garden where he had them awakened.

"When these young men woke, and found themselves in the garden with all these marvelous things, they truly believed themselves to be in paradise. And these damsels were always with them in songs and great entertainments; they; received everything they asked for, so that they would never have left that garden of their own will."

When the Old Man wished to kill someone, he would take a young man and tell him they could return to Paradise if they entered his service and followed his instructions or died in his service.

From this account it is fairly clear that hashish was not the substance used. First, hashish is seldom prepared in a liquid form Hassan would drug young men with a substance which "cast them into a deep sleep" from which they could not be awakened. They were then carried to a beautiful secret garden which was impenetrable and unseen by any but those intended to be his haschishin. When they awoke in the garden, surrounded by beautiful naked women and boys, they were told that they were in Paradise. After a few hours of bliss, they were again made unconscious with the unknown substance. Awakening back in the presence of "The Old Man of the Mountain" they were told that he had given them this glimpse of Paradise and that they would go to Paradise if they entered his service and followed his instructions or died in his service. Thus, he recruited an army of assassins who were the first terrorist gang.

It is from this story that the connection between the words assassin and hashish is drawn. It is said that the word assassin comes from the Arabic word haschishin for hashish user. But Hassan and his followers didn't speak Arabic; they were Persians. Assassin comes from Hassassin -- a follower of Hassan.

Hassan, in fact, was a hashish prohibitionist. He argued that the Koran's ban on alcohol was a ban on all intoxicants, so his assassins were drug free terrorists. Except in the false Paradise where they were served wine as one of the joys of heaven. So, it is desire for alcohol not hashish that helped motivate the Assassins.

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At the same time, within the crusading-culture of a pre- and early-modern Europe, the Syrian and Persian Nizaris took shape as Muslim mercenaries-cum-fanatics who murdered their victims while high on opium or hashish. If this propagandist concoction of a 'stoned' assassin fails to fit the complex reality of the discipline and training required for committing what was always an explicitly political act, the popular notion of Nizaris as a community of killers also denies their rich, multivalent culture.

- Farhad Daftary, The Assassin Legends: Myths of the Isma'ilis

---

"The Old Man kept at his court such boys of twelve years old as seemed to him destined to become courageous men. When the Old Man sent them into the garden in groups of four, ten or twenty, he game them hashish to drink [sic]. They slept for three days, then they were carried sleeping into the garden where he had them awakened.

"When these young men woke, and found themselves in the garden with all these marvelous things, they truly believed themselves to be in paradise. And these damsels were always with them in songs and great entertainments; they; received everything they asked for, so that they would never have left that garden of their own will."

And when the Old Man wished to kill someone, he would take him and say: 'Go and do this thing. I do this because I want to make you return to paradise'. And the assassins go and perform the deed willingly."

- Marco Polo - on his visit to Alamut in 1273

---

"Many scholars have argued, and demonstrated convincingly, that the attribution of the epithet 'hashish eaters' or 'hashish takers' is a misnomer derived from enemies the Isma'ilis and was never used by Moslem chroniclers or sources. It was therefore used in a pejorative sense of 'enemies' or 'disreputable people'. This sense of the term survived into modern times with the common Egyptian usage of the term Hashasheen in the 1930s to mean simply 'noisy or riotous'. It is unlikely that the austere Hasan-i Sabbah indulged personally in drug taking."

"There is no mention of that drug [hashish] in connection with the Persian Assassins - especially in the library of Alamut ('the secret archives')."

Edward Burman, the Assassins - Holy Killers of Islam

---

"He goes on to state, that years passed by, and both his old school-friends found him out, and came and claimed a share in his good fortune, according to the school-day vow. The Vizier was generous and kept his word. Hasan demanded a place in the government, which the Sultan granted at the Vizier's request; but discontented with a gradual rise, he plunged into the maze of intrigue of an oriental court, and, failing in a base attempt to supplant his benefactor, he was disgraced and fell. After many mishaps and wanderings, Hasan became the head of the Persian sect of the Ismailians,--a party of fanatics who had long murmured in obscurity, but rose to an evil eminence under the guidance of his strong and evil will. In A.D. 1090, he seized the castle of Alamut, in the province of Rudbar, which lies in the mountainous tract south of the Caspian Sea; and it was from this mountain home he obtained that evil celebrity among the Crusaders as the old man of the mountains, and spread terror through the Mohammedan world; and it is yet disputed where the word Assassin, which they have left in the language of modern Europe as their dark memorial, is derived from the hashish, or opiate of hemp-leaves (the Indian bhang), with which they maddened themselves to the sullen pitch of oriental desperation, or from the name of the founder of the dynasty, whom we have seen in his quiet collegiate days, at Naishapur. One of the countless victims of the Assassin's dagger was Nizam ul Mulk himself, the old school-boy friend.

Excerpt from Mirkhond's History of the Assassins
(published in an article about Omar Khayyam in the Calcutta Review, No. 59.)

Khuda Hafiz
Ashraf Imran.

My take on - Chicks, Girls & Ladies

When I sat next to that two pony knotted girl I forgot her name... you don’t expect me to remember girls name but what I remember is she was my bench mate in Class 2. I only knew that she was different in the sense that she had longer hair than mine and had a voice that was quite different from mine. Of Course in later course of time, thanks to half baked Biology lessons and the internet, one got to know much more about the mysteries of the human body and the 12 year old disguised secret that children come out of the bellybutton of the human Body. Even though there was more physics than chemistry Involved, in all my learning’s I learnt along the years that the female Psyche was so much more different and had various shades to it, just as the color Black is made up of 3 colors, namely Blue Red and Green, the female psyche has 3 colors to it, namely the Chick, The Girl and the Lady.

As I grew up , some intelligent guy said the proverb” Beauty lies in what you see and Perceive” and based on the study that has taken me 20 years to figure out( Boy I am 26 year old now and you don’t expect me to start as soon as I was born), Here goes my dissertation on Identifying the stereotypes playing the above mentioned Roles.

What makes a Female attractive? Is it the Chick Factor? Is it the Childish, Prudish, Girlish pranks or is the Ladylike divine maturity that they exude? Well a bit of everything and the selective amnesia that we have which makes we guy to focus on things that we derive maximum ROI(Return on Investment).

The Chick
Now these species are typically found all over the planet, thinking themselves to be Socrates who engineered a mastermind brain, but actually are a set of confused female species who basically embody 4 types of personalities.
Who they want to be?
Who they actually are?
Who they are the way others see them.
Who they are the way they see them (not being Honest).

The Chick, is actually a modern day rip off of the revered Kabir, whose 2 line Dohas are inscribed on their chests, more so in the humble aim of passing on Social Service Information that lies emblazoned along the accentuated contours of their chest, giving it a visibility that not even a 1000 square feet hoarding on MG Road would give. Guys, the Loyal Clients that they are, always want to read the message that is being put forward to them, even at the risk of shamelessly staring directly at the Trigonometrically shape of a female’s chest. The Chick wants the guy to read it and pass a comment or two ,but would also get angry and uncomfortable if the guy takes a tad too long staring as he would eat into his time of complementing her. For the hunger craven,- Forcibly -Hormones -controlled-I –gotta-Settle-and-then-think-about-Girls Junta, this exercise of the eyes is a welcome respite from the monotonous hum drum of life, but little does the guy know that there is a very thin line to toe between staring and getting kicked/Respected.

The Chicks are out to prove their interest forcibly to the guys and the girls surrounding them, so that they become noticed and make a huge splash, with everyone talking about them, only to finally comment the politically correct and banal line “I Neither Believe in Gossip nor do I encourage it”.

The Chicks also believe in speaking whatever crap comes to their mind without screening their thoughts based on the audience that their oratory skills are being tested to. There are times when they are so busy figuring out what to do while they have no work, so that others feels that they are busy. The common “Chick-thing” is to run the fingers through their hair as if to show the guys admiring from behind the gateway to experiencing Bliss and while one hand is on the hair the other 5 fingers are busy holding a Gizmo mobile, speaking for eons on the mobile until the battery revolts and plays truant by ending the conversation. If incase both the hands are free, then one is spent on sending SMS and the other to hold the device.

So these class of girls are typically the types who want to make a splash in whatever they do, and when they make the splash, they expect the whole world to see and talk, but not gape as there is a hidden time out after which the girls resort to exercise the Indian legal law of Eve Teasing or harassment. They typically spend most of their time thinking about what they want others to think of them and how to bridge the gap between reality and a “wannabe”.

If you ask me they don’t interest me much, they are like gods unfinished experiments and then there are few who looks like experiment gone absolutely wrong. So lets hop to the second one the “Girls”

GIRLS

That’s the second class of Females who haven’t yet graduated, to be a Lady and have made the unconscious choice to be a girl because of their thoughts, actions and structure.
This is the typical class where a Mechanical engineer would hoarsely shout “Under Construction” and move on. An interesting characteristic of such species is that they would love to make a splash in the most silent way, so that people around don’t object to their splashing, but the girls would love to have people asking “oh my dainty darling” what a quiet jump and why so” .These Girls love to get attention but pretend as though attention is never their motive and they have other greater things in life to achieve like studying hard for the next days test or winning their managers appraisal by burning their midnight oil(or monitors) churning out hajaar lines of code.

Why Girls remain girls is as much a mystery to them as it is to Bush as to why he is called Stupid. The Girls typically are confident young things, who just lack the confidence to do things the “Chick “ does. They are a lot better than the chicks in the sense that they don’t get unrealistic but somewhere down the line, they make the twain meet by having similarities with the “Chicks”, by way of having lots of feelings towards the opposite sex, but get pretentious, when things move to the next level, by saying the clichéd Kuch Kuch Hota Hain Line “I have seen you only as a Friend” and subject the poor love lost boy to even asking him questions on which Color Rakhee should he tie. That brings an abrupt end to the story that was about to take off. After a few abrupt ill fated take offs, the GIRLS when they finally are about to graduate to a woman (in terms of getting married),play the safe line by marrying someone their dad’s choice, who ultimately happens to their dad’s friend, who dad could never corner in his childhood days and now going by the motto “ If you cant beat them , join them” attitude to establish his status.

I don’t have much problem with them to maintain their girl status they avoid people like me as rabid dogs and I am quiet fine with it because I have come to love the very things they stand up against.

Ladies :
These are the veterans who have gone through all of the above and decide to pass on their valuable knowledge to their daughters and nieces to coach them on various Do’s and Don’ts and warn their daughters with the all famous line “All guys just want one thing ***”

They are the veritable sources of information on who’s married whom and how A is flirting with B while B when contacted evinced His/her interest for C who apparently is out of a relationship with D, so just took a liking to A. These complex 4 dimensional equations are solved day in and day out by these class of Women.

Sobfests and Saas-Bahu fests are the order of the season, as this seems a course that they are so much hooked on to, that the husbands would do anything to have them joining them in their mutual quest for amorous pleasure on the bed, even to the extent of not watching India Pakistan Cricket on ESPN and not watching Schumacher wheeling around.

In the evenings when the husbands are slated to arrive they decide to be a little pious and seek solace in the nearby temple, to pray to the lord almighty to grant their sons and daughters tickets to the US of A , get 99.9 percent in the rest of the exams, how to behave as if hormones and toys never existed, and keep a track on the latest software engineers who are nubile and ripe to graduate from being a chick/Girl to a woman.

In the spare time they divide between passing comments on the unfavorable section of Chicks and Girls to ward off competition for their kids, coaching them just as an Aussie coach would have you swear the butts about the opposition.
That’s their face one, meet their face 2 : they work on no strings attached business plan, they understand the difference between hunger and love, and they have unique way of addressing both the issues. Although they waste half of their life watching these family dramas but in reality they always mean business and keep it crisp and to the point. You want a friend or a shoulder to cry - go home Mamas boy you still need a baby sitter not a lady. Your legs shake while removing your shorts go home again they don’t have time to teach you from basics. They teach you life, control, maturity and lot more. Just don’t act stupid and you wont be treated like one. If you understand your sex if you understand what it means to be a “MAN” meet the ladies they are the best institution. Mine asked me to wear shoes with laces when we met for the first time. She wanted me to fully understand what I am going to do and don’t kid myself by thinking it happened accidentally. Sit down...take your time undressing and removing your shoes and be confident in control of yourself. She made me touch new heights of confidence, made me feel good about myself... to appreciate myself.

Times may change... situations may alter but she is forever engraved in my sweet memories book.

So that’s what my dissertation has analyzed about women apart from the fact that they can potentially be damn distracting, eat a lot of your time, make your moods vacillate up and down…make you believe that the liberty punch line “of walking in the air” and as some wise person said “cant live with them, cant live without them”. This article just explores the mind of the Indian woman in a sarcastic manner and is not intended to displease anyone, but is written taking into account whatever I have seen and experienced from my biased eye.

Cocaine - Chasing the Dragon

Finally I have a perfect reson to try this big dragon. My only friend for last 2 years in this techno city was leaving town for a year next day. 2 days back we met a guy who had the right contacts, who was discreet and who can arrange right things for right kind of money. My first thought was bloody its costlier than diamonds but then u cant get high on diamonds. So be it...

Everything I needed and wanted was there.

My graveyard – my room was complete... 4 pillows, a bottle of cold water, smoke packets, match box, ash-tray... privacy, silence, darkness... everything what I needed. They say it’s your bad company which pulls you here. I never needed a guiding light to be here. A tripod covered in glass, topped with a razor blade, white powder, a spoon, frooti straw, a smooth glass plate. I looked back and forth between downloaded sheet of paper with instructions how to do it and what lay on the table. Fine we got the stuff we got the directions how to use it and we got the remedies as well just incase things go out of hand. Excitement was unbearable am I going to meet my death like I have never met him before what if its an overdoze, what if I am not able to control my actions...nah I am too experienced with these stuff to blow my lid off.

I chose the powder, carefully putting it on the flat glass plate dividing the 3 tolas of powder into 2 equal quantity putting one back in the plastic pouch making 4 small 6 cm scratches on the glass table with the blade...its fine there is always a first time...just follow the instruction...i filled the scratches with the powder swiping it with the blade. Now we have 4 white lines and now its time to chase the dragon.

Like always,s I started before any guilt feeling or remorse can hit me and shake my soul.

Closing my eyes... putting one end of the chaser in my right nose and the other end on the first line, and then a long long drag that pierced my soul.

I am sorry D...

It was like I have inhaled fire through my nose, my whole body melting into my nose and through the windpipe falling into a dark abyss. There was something drastically missing and before I can think more about it I chased the dragon again. Upon their return the ritual began again.

I didn't know whether it was of good quality or bad. I don’t know what is its true market value. I had not tried it to see if the quality was better or worse. I just used the amount I'd advised to. When it hit my brain I knew I am smashed far more than I have ever imagined I can be smashed by anything. Every sound in the room and outside amplified to ear-shattering decibels, or seemed to. The traffic on the main street through this god forsaken city sounded like a war raged there. This is a horrible city D, Chris, strangers, language all together makes up a very bad mixture. I fell down from my sitting position and it took ages for my body to hit the ground. I could see the words floating in air, I saw lights chasing each other. I remained conscious, watching without comprehension the world felt so alien to me. The convulsions eased as I stared like a wounded deer at the specter of death descending on my body. My friend came back, looking into my eyes as if to say goodbye. He was a good friend. Will miss his daily presence in my life.

Consciousness began waning as the sensation of my friend shaking me came and I heard the voice saying "breathe." And then I understood I wasn't breathing, but didn't yet understand that my autonomous nervous system had failed. I was too high to breathe without forcing myself to do so. The instinct to live kicked in as I hyperventilated, almost losing consciousness again before my friend calmed me.

An hour later we laughed on love, commitments and expectations while we both enjoyed a more carefully measured hit.

Kuch behke hue Alfaaz...

Ayi na phir nazar kahin jaane kidhar gayi
Un tak to saath gardish-e-shaam-o-sahar gayi

Kuch hi pal ka thaa har jalvaa-e-hayaat
Laut aayi zakahm khake jidhar bhi nazar gayi

Aa dekh mujh se roothne wale tere bagair
Din bhi guzar gaya meri shab bhi guzar gayi

******************************************************

Aaj ke daur mein aye dost ye manzar kyon hai
Zakham har sar pe har ek haath mein patthar kyon hai

Jab haqeeqat hai ke har zarre mein tu rehta hai
Phir zameen par kahin masjid kahin mandir kyon hai

Apna anjaam to maloom hai sab ko phir bhi
Apni nazron mein har insaan sikandar kyon hai

Yeh zindagi jeene ke qaabil hi nahi ab
Warna har aankh mein ashkon ka samandar kyon hai

*************************************************************

Aap ko dekh kar dekhta reh gaya
kya kahoon aur kahne ko kya reh gaya

Unki aankhon mein kaise chalakne laga
Mere honton pe jo maajraa reh gaya 

Aise bichde sabhi raah ke mod par
AaKhri humsafar raasta reh gaya 

Soch kar aao kuu-e-tamannaa hai ye
Jaaneman jo yahaan reh gaya reh gaya 

**************************************************************

Aap mein gum hain magar sab ki Khabar rakhte hain
Ghar mein baithe hain zamaane pe nazar rakhte hain

Nuktachin dekhiye kis kis pe nazar rakhte hain
Hum bhi aye deedavaron aib-o-hunar rakhte hain

Rehnuma kho gaye manzil to bulati hai hamein
Paanv zakhmi hain to kya zauq-e-safar rakhte hain

******************************************************

Aas hogi na aasra hoga
Aanewale dinon mein kya hoga

Main tujhe bhoo jaoonga ek din
Waqt sab kuch badal chuka hoga

Naam hum ne likha tha aankhon mein
Aansuon ne mita diya hoga

Aasmaan bhar gaya parindon se
Ped koi haraa gira hoga

Kitna dushwar tha safar uska
Who shaam hote hi so gaya hoga

**********************************************************************

Aate aate mera naam sa reh gaya
Uske honthon pe kuch kaanpta reh gaya

Woh mere saamne hi gaya aur main
Raaste ki tarah dekhata reh gaya

Jhooth wale kahan se kahan badh gaye
Aur main tha ki sach bolta reh gaya

Aandhiyon ke irade to achchhe na the
Ye diya kaise jalta hua reh gaya

************************************************************

Aaj hum apni kasam todenge  Koi aur tujhe chahe humse zyada  Yeh tera bharam todenge

Aaye hain samjhane log
Hain kitne deewane log 

Dair-o-haram mein chain jo milta
Kyon jaate maikhane log 

Jaan ke sab kuch, kuchh bhi na jaane
Hain kitne anjaane log 

Waqt pe kam nahin aate hain
Ye jaane pehchane log 

Ab jab mujh ko hosh nahi hai
Aaye hain samjhane log 

******************************************************

Ab chalakte hue saagar nahi dekhe jaate
Tauba ke baad ye manzar nahi dekhe jaate 

Mast kar ke mujhe auron ko lagaa moonh saaqi
Ye karam hosh mein reh kar nahi dekhe jaate

Saath har ek ko is raah mein chalna hoga
Ishq mein rahzan-o-rahbar nahi dekhe jaate 

Hum ne dekha hai zamaane ka badalna lekin
Unke badle hue tevar nahi dekhe jaate

*****************************************************************

Ab khushi hai na koi gham rulanewala
Humne apna liya har rang zamaanewala

Us ko rukhsat to kiya tha mujhe maloom na tha
Sara ghar le gaya, ghar chodke jaanewala

Ek musaafir ke safar jaisi hai sab ki duniya
Koi jaldi mein koi der se jaanewala

Ek be-chehra si umeed hai chehra-chehra
Jis taraf dekhiye aane ko hai aanewala

******************************************

Ab kise chahein kise dhoonda karein
Woh bhi aakhir mil gaya ab kya karein

Halki halki baarishein hoti rahein
Hum bhi phoolon ki tarah bheega karein

Dil muhabbat din duniya shayari
Har dareeche se tujhe dekha karein

Ghar naya kapde naye bartan naye
In puraane kaagazon ka kya karein

********************************************************

Ab tak us ki mohabbat ka nashaa taari hai
Phool baqi nahi Khushboo ka safar jari hai

Sehar lagta hai paseene mein nahaaya hua jism
Ye ajab Khwaab mein Doobi hui bedaari hai

Dhyaan bhi us ka hai milate bhi nahi hain us se
Jism se bair hai saaye se wafadari hai

Dil ko tanhai ka ehsaas bhi baaqi na raha
Woh bhi dhundhla gayi jo shakl bahut pyaari hai

Is jag-o-jehal mein toote hain sitaare kitne
Aasmaan jeet saka hai na zameen hari hai

Main aaya hoon zara aankh to khol ke dekh
Abhi jaage the abhi sone ki taiyaari hai

******************************************************************

Apni tasweer ko aankhon se lagata kya hai
Ek nazar meri taraf dekh, tera jaata kya hai

Meri ruswayee mein tu bhi hai barabar ka shareek
Mere qisse mere yaaron ko sunata kya hai

Paas rehkar bhi na pehchaan saka tu mujhko
door se dekh kar ab haath hilata kya hai

Umr bhar apane girebaan se ulajhanewale
Tu mujhe mere saaye se Darataa kya hai

Main tera kuch bhi nahi hoon, magar itna to bata
Dekh kar mujhko tere zehan mein aata kya hai

*********************************************************

Aye Khuda ret ke sahara ko samandar kar de
Ya chalakti aankhon ko bhi patthar kar de

Aur kuch bhi mujhe darkaar nahi hai lekin
Meri chaadar mere pairon ke barabar kar de

*******************************************************

Bas ek jhijhak hai yahi haal-e-dil sunaane mein
Ki tera zikr bhi aayega is fasaane mein 

Meri Ishq ki qismat badal bhi sakti thi
Jo waqt beet gaya, tera mujh ko aazmane mein 

Ye keh ke toot pada shaaKh-e-gul se aakhri phool
Ab aur der hai kitni bahaar aane mein 

*******************************************************

Koi azaa mein dard ho to roti hain aankh
Kis tarah sare jism ki humdard hoti hai aankh

*******************************************************

Mere dil mein tu hi tu hai dil ki davaa kya karoon
Dil bhi tu hai jaan bhi tu hai tujhpe fida kya karoon 

*******************************************************

Patthar ke Khuda wahaan bhi paaye
Hum chaand se aaj laut aaye 

Deewarein to har taraf khadi hain
Kya ho gaya meherbaan saaye 

Jungle ki hawaayein aa rahi hain
Kaagaz ka ye shehar ood na jaye 

Majnu ne aaj naya janam liya hai
Hai Laila koi jo dil lagaye 

Hai aaj zamiin ki gusal-e-sahat
Jis dil mein ho jitna Khoon laye 

*******************************************************

Bandipur Trek - On Tiger Trail

Losing Touch

Been long time didn't write anything so thought of writing this short story:

Longed for her. Got her. Shit...