We are just friends bullshit

The other day I was having a phone conversation with a friend of mine. In the midst of that long call, he said something about a guy whom I met only once and mentally tagged him as a slimy asshole. He mentioned the fact that he believed that as a married guy he was wrong to have so many female friends that he spent time with. My friend feels this asshole might not be doing it just to irritate his wife he might actually have a addictive problem… addicted to making female friends and leading friendships to an unknown territory.

His sentence was not a point in itself; it was part of a wider conversation about what had happened to some of our mutual friends since they left college. The guy that he mentioned was married to someone we both knew but had not kept in touch with since her marriage.

The next day that sentence about the married guy with female friends finds its way into my idle thoughts. The rest of the conversation has long since evaporated but this sentence has managed to linger as if it were embossed and visible above the rest of the now faded words.

Why is it wrong for a married man to have female friends or vice versa? I believe the rule applies both ways. But even though I feel like I understand the reasoning behind the 'rule', I'm not sure I understand the logic.

Okay, so there's the obvious attraction issue. But just because one person is male and the other female that doesn't mean there will be an attraction or does it? And are we then saying that it is wrong to have friendships with people you may at some point find attractive? In fact taking that question one step further, is it wrong to have a friendship with someone you presently find attractive? How practical is this rule in reality? How will you like to know your partner is avoiding that person from opposite sex because she finds him attractive? Will you smell loyalty or breathe jealousy and inferiority.

I'm of the opinion that if I'm in a relationship with someone then I simply would like to trust her... that she will never make such things visible to me. I would prefer remaining ignorant of her attractions.

Understand folks, If they're going to cheat on you then they're going to cheat on you. No amount of rules and barriers or freedom and understanding will prevent that or help address the far more serious underlying issue that must surely be there in the first place. And if they did cheat on you would that be the end? How far can forgiveness go? How broken does something have to be before it simply can't be fixed?

I suppose the question is an age old one. Can men and women really be just friends? I'd like to think so but then again most of the time I don’t think about stuff the way I would like to think.

I think maybe it comes down to how secure you are in your relationship. If you're worried that your partner is at risk of cheating on you then that is a tough place to be. However, perhaps the problem isn't that your partner is about to embark on some secret sleazy relationship, but more the fact that you think they would do so? I hate that guy and his tribe real slimy ones and the good thing my wife also hates that tribe equally if not more… what about you?