Back from Croatia in One piece... Future wife didn’t pluck my hair.... in-laws didn’t chop my limbs.... Croatians didn’t shoot a dark skinned hairy beast with vague human similarities... I did it... a thing which I thought is beyond the potential of any Ashraf to do: go and meet the Future wife and wannabe in-laws in person right in on their turf.
On a serious note I was never comfortable due to chain of unfortunate incidents happening since this idea came in my mind. Visa issues, Parental pressure, non- parental judgement, de-motivating feedbacks... its just a crush... you are not rational... get over your infatuation... how come you know she is what she says... this will never work out... best one “what kind of f@#@ing nut you are?”
Trip:
It was uneventful... I went via Istanbul... bloody everyone sleeping... all the passengers... on-flight crew everyone and there I was with my heart (or was it balls?) in my mouth... what if she doesn’t show up in the airport... what if this doesn’t work out... what if we are not able to understand each other in the absence of typed text? So many questions at 22000 ft above sea level...
To make matter worse my next seat neighbour was not helping me at all... the girl was coming back from India after meeting her lover and she was under the impression few days of meeting is just to short a time period to know if you want to live your whole life with that girl. She was in relation with her Indian prince charming for couple of years now and I guess she had absolutely no idea about the Indian arranged marriage where you at times don’t get to meet the girl at all before the nuptial hour. Well we parted ways in Istanbul and then it was time to fly Zagreb.
Zagreb international airport is not more than a regular Indian airstrip and the first thing that hits you is the fresh air ... next thing to follow is people are staring you. Immigration exit I was the last guy to come out and I can see a marginally fat girl in blue waving from outside.
Great at least she is waving good thing I didn’t send a flying kiss across to her...she was not Ivana....
Came out, turned left and there she was standing. She looks beautiful if you see her for the first time she really does. A Big hug and a kiss got me over all my hiccups. Surprisingly we could understand each other pretty well she sounds like a south Indian born bihari kind off. Felt like I knew her for ages... felt like we are already married and I am coming back from a business trip.
Oh yes...She was not alone she got this huge giant standing behind and laughing along with her younger brother ... felt like taking the next flight back.
We came out and whoa... no population... 3 hours drive back to her place- no traffic. Initial thought was this is peaceful but soon you will start missing the crowd. It so happened that my future fatherinlaw had bloody taken a leave and sitting at home to meet me. I had not used the toilet since I left Delhi and badly needed to take a crap... 14 hours sitting with not much place to move... I was dead tired and really not ready to meet him. She just won’t understand and that’s the first thing I realized about my future wife. She is a decision maker – for both of us.
Anyway finally met him nice simple guy offered me a cigarette as well. He doesn’t know English and I don’t go beyond Dobro & Havala in my Croatian diction. At times communication gap works and it worked pretty fine for me.
If you ever visit Croatia do go visiting Vukovar its beautiful situated in the banks of river Danube and if you come to Vukovar ask for directions to a county named Borovo. Once you enter Borovo watch out for a sign board “BOSO 13Kuna Pizza” that’s the land mark for my in-laws place. Do come in and tell them you know me real nice folk I guarantee you that. Try the homemade Burek and Roasted Chicken... ask Ivana to make Lasagne for you... she will burn her fingers... take long time...talk thousand and one things in between but you will like the taste... my wife makes it real good... feel free to smoke in front of my in-laws they don’t mind and Yes, when you are leaving do pat their pet named Munja from my end.
Few hours with Ivana and I was really settled. Unlike many others I don’t feel bad or suffocated in the company of someone who is demanding...bossy... crazy...fussy... nagging. Ye I was feeling at home with my future wife. She infact brought back fond memories. She was a super mixture of all those sweet uptight asses I have met in my entire life. Don’t do this... don’t do that... don’t cross the road from here... don’t sing so loudly... wave to them... hold my hand when we walk... don’t throw your cloths like that don’t mix washed cloths with dirty cloths... she even told me “how can you fart so loudly”... well sweetheart I don’t have volume control panel fixed on my ass. And I belong to India ... half the Bihar culture is in my blood... its my birth right to do things what others don’t want me to do... to cross the road where I want to cross from along with my buffalo and my buffalo also has the right to shit right in the middle of the road taking her own sweet time keeping your bloody traffic on hold. The weird thing was I wear jeans for a month at a stretch and it never gets dirty...it might get rugged and torn... change it colour from anything thing to dark brown but it never gets dirty how the hell it used to get dirty every 2nd day in Croatia.
Anyway back to the trip detail, that huge giant turned out to be a real good guy. Nemanja - her cousin brother. He also doesn’t understand English but I spent much time with him. A Simple and hard working guy who cares a lot for his cousin sister. He also had a girlfriend cute girl named Tanya who spoke English like a Russian. Few days down and we both wished we could talk without Ivana playing a translators role.
Overall Croatians are like kindergarten kids. Overtime one might get bored with their mechanised systematic life governed by countless of laws and etiquettes. The thing that pinches most is the lack of population... you are on road - empty...market place – empty anywhere u go bloody no population and people who are there they work like machines, move in society like machine enjoy.
I don’t go there to do a cultural & economic research; I went to meet Ivana and her folks and they were more than a handful. They have a huge family, three grannies...couple of grandpa... hundreds of uncles & aunts and millions of cousins... and leaving few all speak in Croatian and everyone asks too many questions... right from the day I was born till the time I landed at Zagreb airport they want to know everything. They don’t ask in group they ask the whole set of questions individually. Ivana had to first translate what they were saying and then translate my response to that question... somehow I felt she was enjoying playing the bridge. She is excellent in that role pushing people to like me...pushing me to like them. Pushing everyone closer trying to make one big happy family... yes she plays Mother Hens role to perfection. You will like to see her in all the roles she looks kind of cute being a friend a daughter a sister a companion a lover what you don’t want to see her is when she is all charged up with anger. Her anger is like a nuclear explosion Boom!!! Anything in its radius gone... no second thoughts... Her face color changes from white to tomato red... eyes become bigger and red... canine teeth’s come out like vampire... nails become sharper and lethal... body takes a threatening position of a charging African elephant.. she is surely one of her kind.
Cultural issues:
They don’t use fans... no ceiling fans or table fans or hand fans nothing and I have a problem sleeping in absolute silence sans the sweet humming sound made by fans. They don’t eat rice or roti and they bloody water is never served; you have to ask for it. Left hand driving makes you feel all the cars are rushing in from the wrong direction and though I don’t know how to drive I used to end up opening the door of the driver’s seat.
Bit pressed for time more in the next post.
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